2010

2009 was a Transitional Year. As midnight last year, I embraced the changes, experiences and challenges. It was a year where many dreams were accomplished, memories of happiness surfaced, and above all, it was a critical year shaping the person that is me. Maybe by reflecting 2009, I hope I can conclude to a resolution for 2010.

Drama was my passion. It still remains so, I believe. I remember the feeling, when the curtains drew open for Not Another High School Play to perform their final act at Sears Drama Festival. It was nervousness, pride, excitement all at once. I remember standing onstage after acting in The Empire of the Magic Beanstalk, thinking that I have spent four years of high school performing to a crowd. It felt like I belong there, somehow. I remember walking out to the boardwalk, staring at the school the night after our final show, with my best friend, reflecting on our years of drama experience. It was surreal. It was the end of directing experience in high school, such was my thought then. I felt this again during Arts banquet, when I was slow-dancing in a circle with members of my drama group. But now, as I reflect on this, I am afraid to think it all went to waste. For that, I hope to put into action whatever skills I have accomplished from drama and directing. As for my interest in drama, I will continue to find ways of nurturing it.

When I turned eighteen, my facebook status explained the amount of hours I had of childhood left. I thought I had to terminate any youthful aspect of my life (the fun stuff), and dedicate entirely to the maturity. So shoot me, I used to leave fruits on people's doorstep and drew faces on eggs leaving on people's garage doors....and after I turned 18, it all slowly disappeared. I acknowledged the need for responsibility. I realized, that I would be restricting myself entirely if I devoted myself to maturity entirely. Moving to Ottawa has made me lean towards this side of the spectrum, and I hope to reclaim the 'fun' side of life. Of course, the definition of 'fun' is fluid, it may change eventually with age. Nonetheless, I promise to appreciate the details in life, and make it a mission to indulge myself into worthwhile experiences....regardless my age. :)

I remember receiving my first acceptance letter from University, it was from York. As exciting as it was to move ahead and enter the 'Real World', it was nerve-wrecking deciding the path of my future. But then I realize, that the path is never straight. True that we may plan where to go, what to do, and figure out why we choose what we choose. But as we experience something new every step of our way up, our paths may be deferred, but we are constantly learning from this deferral. I hope to remain open-minded with what lies for me in the future. But I do pray, that despite the unknown challenges coming my way, I accomplish happiness which is the root of my success.

I have made many friends. And I admit my tendency to become unclear with what I want within a friendship. I have made unfulfilled promises, and my excuse has constantly been "I'm busy".
Regardless, I once thought that friendships can be mended but I have learned that you cannot do so superficially. If distance is required, to move on, it should be respected. Friendship requires little effort with distance as a factor, because it happens naturally. However, when the mutual friendship disintegrates and all that's left is memory, I see no point in deconstructing to reclaim the past.
With this in mind, I seek for clarity in what I want in a friendship. Busy will not be an excuse because if I love a friend, it should be only be effortless and natural that I want us to continue to be friends.

I have had the most beautiful of all experiences during the summer. I hope to never forget them. I am blessed to have shared them with someone. One who has supported me, through my success and downfalls regardless distance and or circumstances. One who has seen right through me and loves me despite my flaws. I owe very much to him. I anticipate many challenges with us ahead, but he knows as much as I do that we'll both be prepared with what is to lie ahead. He is honest, strong, sweet and ambitious...and I am his! :) I love him, and I hope with God's-will we accomplish our dreams that is fated in the path for us.

My greatest challenge of the year, was moving away from home by myself to Ottawa. This itself constitutes to the biggest change in shaping up myself. I remember the heavy heart feeling of leaving. I remember the fear. I remember the excitement. All in all, I was afraid. I remember the feeling of confusion, disorganized, blankness and insecurity the first time my family left me all alone in Ottawa. It was a shock. I was thrown with responsibilities which I anticipated with turning 18, coming in all direction. Between financial stability with bills and rent, to figuring out what to eat, and juggling with academics while building myself up a circle of friends here as I remain in touch with families and friends at home.....it was hard living 2 lives, and bouncing between 2 cities. I can honestly say with certainty, that I believe, I have overcame the difficulties. I have gained insight in the skill of prioritizing. But as I immersed myself with these 'mature' aspects of life, I became slightly depressed because I lost myself to the routine. But as mentioned, I will seek fun and take the time to appreciate the little things.

My greatest experience of 2009, was my commencement. My greatest success being my privilege to represent my graduating class as valedictorian. My greatest emotion, was receiving my first ever standing ovation. That night truly reflected upon my year, it sums up what happened in 2009. It was a transitional moment, between ending high school for good and stepping into university. I was surrounded by people I love as audience members, and I was surrounded by memories. And as I delivered my speech, I will always remember the feeling I had in my heart.

All in all, 2009 was the year of goodbyes. Goodbye, in the sense that it is simply a word uttered, to terminate the moment, but forever remember the experience. So we're moving on, but we're never letting go because we're holding strong to everything that happened. It has been an amazing year.

And today,
I woke up with a new chapter
A new play of my life written to be enacted
A new perspective for appreciation
Preservation of my youth
A new attitude to accomplish happiness
A new clarity in the definition of friendship
With more love than than I had for him, yesterday
Enjoying my liberty as an independent woman
& a promise to remember everything worth remembering.

With these, I commence my new journey for 2010 :)

P.S. I wonder what I'll label 2010 as.....