I have never really been caught up consecutively with the Winter Olympics. But as I sit here listening to Nikki Yanofsky singing I Believe in French and English, I had a sudden wave of goosebumps that ran through my spine. I witnessed Sidney Crosby scored the goal that won Canada a gold medal. Joannie Rochette has inspired me with her persistence and determination, despite adversity.
My heart feels big, and filled with pride.
Maybe this is what patriotism feels like.
I feel fortunate to be here. Watching the olympics truly made me reflect on many memories I have had in this country. Most prominently, the memory of which the night I first set foot on this land. The night I knew I'd call this country home. I remember the first time I actually memorised the national anthem in French. I remember in grade 10, my history teacher Mr. Breen brought to life how of how Canada was born, the stages of infancy, 'tumultuous-teenage-years' and the transition of growth and independence. Breen made me love the country more. I gloated at the country's establishment of peace-keeping, I fell in love with Pierre Elliot Trudeau, I memorize sections of The Charter of Rights and Freedom, above all, the wonders and natural beauty of the country mesmerizes me.
This I have to say.
Tonight is another defining moment for Canada. The Olympics truly reinforces the Canadian Identity which I have been told, Canada struggles at.
I experience diversity, I see genuinity.
Patriotism. Not nationalism. That is what that separates us from the United States.
& now I shall return to my law paper, another Canadian feature I love.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Serenity
It rains outside, like a false promise of spring.
At second glance, they are not rain droplets.
Snowflakes and ice in disguise.
Yet the aesthetic of it soothes me.
I am deprived of sunlight. The darkness in the clouds depresses me.
Its irony compels me.
Mental exhaustion, partially relieved.
At second glance, they are not rain droplets.
Snowflakes and ice in disguise.
Yet the aesthetic of it soothes me.
I am deprived of sunlight. The darkness in the clouds depresses me.
Its irony compels me.
Mental exhaustion, partially relieved.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Self-conscious
Subconsciously, I turned on my laptop like I do every morning to check the news, mail and weather. I glanced out the window, disappointed to see the snow-covered road. Half awake, I felt a pair of eyes, staring back at me with such a seductive expression.
I should say, those pair of eyes stared through my soul. I felt disarmed.
Foolishly, I giggled in my head as I got up this morning because I love the way my new desktop wallpaper made me feel. I felt pretty even when I thought I looked silly. Especially when my hair stood up in all places, like haystacks. And my eyes droopy...and God knows how funny I smell in the mornings.
For a brief second, I became anxious of anybody catching me in my half-asleep, random act of vanity. But then, I thought to myself, it wouldn't be so bad. Sometimes, I am cranky in the mornings. I have been told, I have the potentiality to decapitate someone's head...
I should say, those pair of eyes stared through my soul. I felt disarmed.
Foolishly, I giggled in my head as I got up this morning because I love the way my new desktop wallpaper made me feel. I felt pretty even when I thought I looked silly. Especially when my hair stood up in all places, like haystacks. And my eyes droopy...and God knows how funny I smell in the mornings.
For a brief second, I became anxious of anybody catching me in my half-asleep, random act of vanity. But then, I thought to myself, it wouldn't be so bad. Sometimes, I am cranky in the mornings. I have been told, I have the potentiality to decapitate someone's head...
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Reading Week Reflection
Sometime, last night I told myself I looked forward to return to Ottawa. Sometime, that night, I knew it was a lie. I was pretentious. A little frustrated. Nothing goes as planned. I am constantly indebted to times lost and moments I've missed out on. I should get used to it, as I've told myself many times. Spontaniety sparks excitement, I assured. But at the end of my weekend trip home, someone will always feel neglected.
Inevitably.
There's only so much I can do as a form of redemption.
Time cannot be bought.
I land myself in the same guilt every Sunday evening as I reflect on my bus back. Regardless, I had a memorable time.
This reading week, I...
Philosophy Midterm on Thursday.
Latin America Essay due this Wednesday.
Human Rights Presentation & Essay next Monday
Law Case Commentary next Wednesday.
Inevitably.
There's only so much I can do as a form of redemption.
Time cannot be bought.
I land myself in the same guilt every Sunday evening as I reflect on my bus back. Regardless, I had a memorable time.
This reading week, I...
- Went to the Museum of Civilization twice
- Had a beavertail party in my room with my family & cousins
- Skated home from Dows Lake
- Watched Dear John
- Window-shopped furniture stores with Omar :)
- Dinner @ Rainforest Cafe
- Watched the Olympics with family
- Ultimate catch-up time with Adrita
- Met up with my high school drama team at the Sears Drama Festival
- Went skiing @ Chicopee
- Hit up the movie to see Shutter Island
Philosophy Midterm on Thursday.
Latin America Essay due this Wednesday.
Human Rights Presentation & Essay next Monday
Law Case Commentary next Wednesday.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Sunshine
A bird sits on the wooden fence as the breeze blows the trees to sway, behind it a ceiling of blue. An illusion of summer. Betrayed, by white patches of snow that carpets what reveals like dried grass.
I'd like very much to lie outside, soaking summer warmth into my skin, while listening to the wind chimes.
Barefeet & a flower in my hair.
Reading a book, maybe while waiting for a barbequed lunch.
In time.
It will happen.
Meanwhile, I'll wait away.
I'd like very much to lie outside, soaking summer warmth into my skin, while listening to the wind chimes.
Barefeet & a flower in my hair.
Reading a book, maybe while waiting for a barbequed lunch.
In time.
It will happen.
Meanwhile, I'll wait away.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Maybe it's karma
I would be lying if I say I never get envious.Yet, I know the thin line between envy and hatred. Hatred is simply too strong for me. I have been brought up to not choose the path of hate. I am fascinated by your obliviousness. Intrigued by your attempt at destruction. But I have to say, your motives are flawed. I am not a saint. Neither are you. I can be hypocritical and I can be a critical.
But my hypocrisies will never prove you inferior, because hypocritical acts will only makes me as equal to you.
But my hypocrisies will never prove you inferior, because hypocritical acts will only makes me as equal to you.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Countdown
I am 15 minutes away before Valentines Day is expired.
5 hours away from you.
18 hours away until I find myself in the same city as you.
:)
5 hours away from you.
18 hours away until I find myself in the same city as you.
:)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Make sense of my madness
I have Freefallin' by John Mayer on repeat because I like his voice.
Feeling hungry, but I'm lazy.
I've been snacking on this bag of chips since I walked into my room. I have no clue to whom this mighty bag of Lay's Wavy Potato Chip belongs to. I gloriously reached for it anyway. Like a calling... well it did call on to me.
Quite desperately, if I may so add.
Right off the top of my freezer I reached for it, as I have done the past two days (yes, I am sneaky). I'd of course return it back to its rightful position every night.
I believe in common ownership (I can be a Marxist, sometimes).
Sharing is caring, right?
Even though I know I have stashes of junkfood hidden in my closet, they don't interest me. A little guilty pleasure won't hurt. Life's good.
Or not.
I really don't know.
I am unsatisfied. Let me explain.
I have always been so sure of what I want to do. This sudden shift in paradigm has caused me to wonder what triggered this seemingly arbitrary unsatisfaction. For the past month of my life, I have felt empty and useless. Emotionally attached to the subjects I've been taught in class, and waking up every morning eager to put it all to practice. But every night before I sleep, I'd think that my knowledge has gone to waste.
Then came Monday, an interview for a position with the Coalition for Carleton's Sexual Assault Centre. I was thrilled. An opportunity, to possibly end my personal catastrophe.
The interview was quite an experience. I was interrogated of my feminist values. My stance on abortion was questioned, which I thought was interesting. Now, you don't get asked about that everyday, do you? But I understand the need to reveal my credibility as a potential support worker.
What disappointed me, was I started doubting myself.
Am I truly in a position capable of handling someone else's emotional crisis when I can't handle my own?
This, I think, is hypocrisy.
Maybe this isn't for me.
Maybe this is temporary insanity.
Or I'm just seeking excuses because I'm just lazy to work.
Oh, I'm such a complicated human being. Even I can't figure myself out.
Feeling hungry, but I'm lazy.
I've been snacking on this bag of chips since I walked into my room. I have no clue to whom this mighty bag of Lay's Wavy Potato Chip belongs to. I gloriously reached for it anyway. Like a calling... well it did call on to me.
Quite desperately, if I may so add.
Right off the top of my freezer I reached for it, as I have done the past two days (yes, I am sneaky). I'd of course return it back to its rightful position every night.
I believe in common ownership (I can be a Marxist, sometimes).
Sharing is caring, right?
Even though I know I have stashes of junkfood hidden in my closet, they don't interest me. A little guilty pleasure won't hurt. Life's good.
Or not.
I really don't know.
I am unsatisfied. Let me explain.
I have always been so sure of what I want to do. This sudden shift in paradigm has caused me to wonder what triggered this seemingly arbitrary unsatisfaction. For the past month of my life, I have felt empty and useless. Emotionally attached to the subjects I've been taught in class, and waking up every morning eager to put it all to practice. But every night before I sleep, I'd think that my knowledge has gone to waste.
Then came Monday, an interview for a position with the Coalition for Carleton's Sexual Assault Centre. I was thrilled. An opportunity, to possibly end my personal catastrophe.
The interview was quite an experience. I was interrogated of my feminist values. My stance on abortion was questioned, which I thought was interesting. Now, you don't get asked about that everyday, do you? But I understand the need to reveal my credibility as a potential support worker.
What disappointed me, was I started doubting myself.
Am I truly in a position capable of handling someone else's emotional crisis when I can't handle my own?
This, I think, is hypocrisy.
Maybe this isn't for me.
Maybe this is temporary insanity.
Or I'm just seeking excuses because I'm just lazy to work.
Oh, I'm such a complicated human being. Even I can't figure myself out.
This is gravity
Twisting time as ambitions scatter
Pieces and puzzles
Mind over matter
Lists of loss, of causes, of fairness
You’re but an artist
Yet, suspended.
Pieces and puzzles
Mind over matter
Lists of loss, of causes, of fairness
You’re but an artist
Yet, suspended.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
obligations & environment
I can see my reflection in the mirror. Gap sweater, shorts and black socks. The image of pure irony and contradictions. I like to balance out my body temperature to my room. Perfection varies from a day to day basis. Essentially, I like to keep my feet and leg slightly cold. Nevertheless, as I changed out of my boots, jeans, jacket and blouse....
I just returned from coffee with an old friend. We talked over a cup of macchiato shots and tomato cheese sandwiches at Bridgehead. It's a fairtrade coffeehouse, cozy, and romantic. Slightly pricey in comparison to Second Cup. Equal to Starbucks, but with more options when it comes to tea.
This was a long overdue 'catching up date'. And I anticipated a slight awkwardness considering the circumstances that has occured. But it wasn't awkwardness that I experienced. It was difference. Our conversations went in every spectrum and directions. Yet, there was a degree of obligation that came with the meet. Primarily, to prove my neutrality. And a form of reluctance that came on her part, to endure this. It all seemed a little diplomatic for me, than usual. Maybe the tinge of diplomacy in our conversation was something I overlooked before. Time and difference in environment could have possible influenced this shift in dynamics in our friendship.
Environment.
You are where you're supposed to be.
There was a slight negative connotation to that statement. It was said in the context of my excuse, for isolating our friendship.
To justify myself, my decision and reaffirm my ambition. That was the explanation I owed.
Maybe I am just overanalyzing and overthinking.
Well, like a junkie that I am, I hide in my room tonight. Perhaps, pondering my existence away, and deliberately refusing to start my essay. I am starving and thinking of soup for dinner.
I am where I'm supposed to be I suppose.
Snuggled up in bed, in my happy zone on a cold winter night in Ottawa.
(I sound like a hibernating bear).
the words "You are where you're supposed to be" rang into my ears.
I just returned from coffee with an old friend. We talked over a cup of macchiato shots and tomato cheese sandwiches at Bridgehead. It's a fairtrade coffeehouse, cozy, and romantic. Slightly pricey in comparison to Second Cup. Equal to Starbucks, but with more options when it comes to tea.
This was a long overdue 'catching up date'. And I anticipated a slight awkwardness considering the circumstances that has occured. But it wasn't awkwardness that I experienced. It was difference. Our conversations went in every spectrum and directions. Yet, there was a degree of obligation that came with the meet. Primarily, to prove my neutrality. And a form of reluctance that came on her part, to endure this. It all seemed a little diplomatic for me, than usual. Maybe the tinge of diplomacy in our conversation was something I overlooked before. Time and difference in environment could have possible influenced this shift in dynamics in our friendship.
Environment.
You are where you're supposed to be.
There was a slight negative connotation to that statement. It was said in the context of my excuse, for isolating our friendship.
To justify myself, my decision and reaffirm my ambition. That was the explanation I owed.
Maybe I am just overanalyzing and overthinking.
Well, like a junkie that I am, I hide in my room tonight. Perhaps, pondering my existence away, and deliberately refusing to start my essay. I am starving and thinking of soup for dinner.
I am where I'm supposed to be I suppose.
Snuggled up in bed, in my happy zone on a cold winter night in Ottawa.
(I sound like a hibernating bear).
Saturday
I have a pillow propped underneath my chin and my shoulders tucked halfway in my comforter. I am savouring the slightly cold temperature in my room at the same time, feeling the warmth as I wiggle my toes. Lying on my tummy this Saturday morning. Or noon, rather. It's ten past twelve. This is lovely.
From where I'm lying, I can see I have five books scattered on the floor beside me. Books I gave up reading last night. My desk is piled with two boxes of President's Choice Chocolates, and a box chocolate chip cookie. A law and human rights textbook. Pencils, receipts. Two lotions, one with a japanese cherry blossom scent, another like peppermint. An orange peel, which I had left after eating to remove a weird after taste from my curry....
I am a slob.
But I must say, even with the sun streaming through my window and what seems to me like a good day ahead, I am not motivated.
Nope.
Today will not be spring cleaning for me.
Oh, what the hell...it's not even spring outside.
Maybe I'll jut throw the orange peel away, and put my books aside so I won't trip. Meanwhile, I shall stay in bed for another half hour before parading myself into the shower, humming away February Air by Lights.
From where I'm lying, I can see I have five books scattered on the floor beside me. Books I gave up reading last night. My desk is piled with two boxes of President's Choice Chocolates, and a box chocolate chip cookie. A law and human rights textbook. Pencils, receipts. Two lotions, one with a japanese cherry blossom scent, another like peppermint. An orange peel, which I had left after eating to remove a weird after taste from my curry....
I am a slob.
But I must say, even with the sun streaming through my window and what seems to me like a good day ahead, I am not motivated.
Nope.
Today will not be spring cleaning for me.
Oh, what the hell...it's not even spring outside.
Maybe I'll jut throw the orange peel away, and put my books aside so I won't trip. Meanwhile, I shall stay in bed for another half hour before parading myself into the shower, humming away February Air by Lights.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Solitude can be sweet.
Sipping my large cup of half hot chocolate and half french vanilla.
I remember last year in an Ice-Breaking session of the first day in English class. Mr. Ornstein had us answer a bunch of questionnaires in class and one of the question was "Do you prefer CHOCOLATE or Vanilla?" Ornstein obviously opted for chocolate. He was annoyed at me when I responded "cookies and cream". Good old Ornstein. I kinda miss his grouchy-ness.
Silly how a simply drink can make me feel like high school was ages ago.
I'm surprised at how it tastes slightly less sweeter than I expected.
I can see the ceiling of clouds pretty high today, from the corner window of the library.
It is milky out, but sunny. I like the sun.
I am starting to realize how the weather truly has an impact on my mood.
My mood seems pretty light today. Light like the wind, because my mind seems to wander peacefully.
My head feels lighter. Maybe it is my hair. I styled it a little messy. And I'm wearing my new leather boots. Which I have kept stored in my closet for too long. I'm feeling confident today.
I just finished my questions for my presentation, which is due in three hours. Just a bit before, I had a phone call from you. Stressful you sounded, but I thought sweet. Sweet that you'd call and was thinking of me. I wish I could alleviate much of your anxiety...
I should be nervous for my first ever university presentation right now, but strange as it seems, I am not.
I like this, solitude. Silence
I have been out a lot lately.
It's nice to be alone, and daydream.
UNTIL...the guy behind me just SNEEZED so frikin LOUD breaking me out of my mindless thoughts....scaring the CRAP out of me.
I remember last year in an Ice-Breaking session of the first day in English class. Mr. Ornstein had us answer a bunch of questionnaires in class and one of the question was "Do you prefer CHOCOLATE or Vanilla?" Ornstein obviously opted for chocolate. He was annoyed at me when I responded "cookies and cream". Good old Ornstein. I kinda miss his grouchy-ness.
Silly how a simply drink can make me feel like high school was ages ago.
I'm surprised at how it tastes slightly less sweeter than I expected.
I can see the ceiling of clouds pretty high today, from the corner window of the library.
It is milky out, but sunny. I like the sun.
I am starting to realize how the weather truly has an impact on my mood.
My mood seems pretty light today. Light like the wind, because my mind seems to wander peacefully.
My head feels lighter. Maybe it is my hair. I styled it a little messy. And I'm wearing my new leather boots. Which I have kept stored in my closet for too long. I'm feeling confident today.
I just finished my questions for my presentation, which is due in three hours. Just a bit before, I had a phone call from you. Stressful you sounded, but I thought sweet. Sweet that you'd call and was thinking of me. I wish I could alleviate much of your anxiety...
I should be nervous for my first ever university presentation right now, but strange as it seems, I am not.
I like this, solitude. Silence
I have been out a lot lately.
It's nice to be alone, and daydream.
UNTIL...the guy behind me just SNEEZED so frikin LOUD breaking me out of my mindless thoughts....scaring the CRAP out of me.
Life is this, as we made it to be
At another place, in another time
Landmark these thoughts at the back of my mind
Sweet winter breeze breathes, leaves me to cool
The night is young, I witnessed the moon
Songs of happiness sings inside my head
Beside the canal, I held on to myself,
Wishing for your hands
At another place, in another
I walk down these streets,
A colourful life
Passing by crowds and musical strings
Closing my eyes, wandering through time
Smiling to myself,
Your thoughts are with me.
Somewhere, someplace
Maybe at the same time
While I’m reading my books
Or dreaming my life away
In my room, roaming the streets,
Or sleeping through my whole day
Somewhere, someplace,
Maybe you’re asleep
,Or passing by faces, and pretty things
& thinking just like me
Life is this, as we made it to be
You’re miles and miles away
But you’re my sweetest part of the day
As I bookmark these things, and memories and places
I know I am not all alone
Maybe you know that I am there.
Landmark these thoughts at the back of my mind
Sweet winter breeze breathes, leaves me to cool
The night is young, I witnessed the moon
Songs of happiness sings inside my head
Beside the canal, I held on to myself,
Wishing for your hands
At another place, in another
I walk down these streets,
A colourful life
Passing by crowds and musical strings
Closing my eyes, wandering through time
Smiling to myself,
Your thoughts are with me.
Somewhere, someplace
Maybe at the same time
While I’m reading my books
Or dreaming my life away
In my room, roaming the streets,
Or sleeping through my whole day
Somewhere, someplace,
Maybe you’re asleep
,Or passing by faces, and pretty things
& thinking just like me
Life is this, as we made it to be
You’re miles and miles away
But you’re my sweetest part of the day
As I bookmark these things, and memories and places
I know I am not all alone
Maybe you know that I am there.
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