Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Resolution

I do not know what lies ahead for me, but I do anticipate struggles. Maybe there is no destination for me in this journey. Maybe I do not intend on arriving. But I have left the train station even if it leads me nowhere. For even if I find myself back at the starting point, I will have gone somewhere. I cannot arrive without leaving, but I think it is worth leaving without the intent of arriving.

This is to the year of spontaneity. To plans that flopped, and bigger things that came this way. Like Beethoven's Sonata in A major I first heard played at the Tabaret Hall, this was the year of unpredictability. Little did I know this would have been the year I moved, after ten years growing up in a city I once called home. And little did I realize what blessing it really is to be given a second chance to start somewhere else. This was the year I spent exactly half my life in Singapore and the other half in Canada. This was the summer I submitted hundreds of resumes, was refused by 30 law firms, only to find myself in a the best possible opportunity employed with an amazing work team at the Parole Board. This was the year I experienced the loss of a charismatic leader I thought I only get to read in textbooks. This was the year I felt loved and remembered. This was the year I was reminded that He always remembers.

Of highs and lows. Of yearning, instability, but one that was hopeful. And it was through hopefulness that I found my capabilities. It was through His assistance that I found my strength in patience. It was a year of transition. And between my activism, enlightenment and imagination, I think this was my year of romanticism.

Goals I have set for myself for the upcoming year
  • To continue being among the ones I love. 
  • To strengthen my faith
  • To love more
  • To seek more knowledge and practice intellectual humility
  • To depend less on the material of this world
  • To being positive and continue trying
 2012 will be the year I will be going to Guatemala, InshaAllah. To beautiful experiences, to learning and wonderful companies! 

 To more sunsets....

Have a wonderful year, month, week, day, hour, minute and second!

With love,
Shaf =]

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Of Knowing

" Change yourself and be among the people who are changing the world."-Tariq Ramadan
To recognize human fallibility is to realize that you will not be able to change everything in this world. But with assistance from the Almighty, by His will, there may be a way to change some things. But this change cannot occur without changing the self, to rid the mind, body and soul from notions of superiority.  Imperfection will continue to exist, because some trials and tribulations are really blessings in disguise. We are still morally obligated to try our best.This is to being positive. For everything that happens in this life is a gift. Everything occurs with a reason. & sometimes, it is not up to us to question what the reason may be, because He is all knowing, and we are not.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Egypt & The Shock Doctrine

During my graduating year, a high school teacher of mine handed me a book by Naomi Klein entitled The Shock Doctrine. The thesis of the book pertains to how the capitalist economic order is solicited in various countries. The use of CIA intelligence, to facilitate Milton Friedman's free market policies seems conspiratorial in dimensions. The shock doctrine involves wiping the existing system of a country into a complete blank slate, parallel to the use of electric shock applied to wipe out the memory of a psychiatric patient.

Implementation
The process of wiping out a country's system is either exploited post-natural disaster, or clandestinely fostered.  Exploited natural disaster cases include the tsunami that occurred in South East Asia. A system of commercial industries and privatization that emerged after these natural disasters supported the free market model. Multinational corporations saw the clean slate as an opportunity to open up hotels and industries. Essentially, when the state has been wiped off its system, it is traumatized and damaged by a catastrophe. Globalization then becomes effective with 'aid' systems implemented in place. However it is these 'aid' or 'development' systems that are culprits of disaster exploits. They mobilize Milton Friedman's free market system. This was staged to perfection, without suspicion. Especially with language and terminologies such as 'aid', 'development' and 'restructuring' publicly reinforced.

The rhetoric of the 'Haiti development' from the earthquake in 2010 fostered my skepticism of the development projects in place. 'Development' in itself seems neutral in connotation, yet the essence of paternalism is carefully immersed. Globalization is reckless in neutrality. A lot of interests that relates to globalization are in fact susceptible to themes of euro-centrism, profiteering and exploits.

Klein applied how the shock therapy model was implemented during Pinochet's era in Chile, the uprising of university students in Indonesia, and the occupation in Iraq. The establishment of the Chicago School of Economics by Milton Friedman played a role in the soliciting of the shock doctrine. Training occurred to infiltrate and influence the grassroots ideologically. When protests occurred, followed by repressions and coup d'etats, the sovereign system eventually collapses. This opens a window for the free market model to be implemented in place.

Egypt Connection and Analysis
In February, I wrote a post concerning the social contract and the Egyptian victory in ousting Hosne Mubarak. Yesterday, I listened to Professor Tariq Ramadan, the grandson of Hasan Al-Banna- founder of Egypt's Muslim Brotherhood, speak of the situation in Egypt. Although Mubarak's departure and Egypt's articulation for democracy did conjure some skepticism, I was tunnel vision on the notion of the people's will. Today, I struggle at reconciling with what I heard yesterday, Klein's shock doctrine, and the current situation in Egypt. It is as if I am suffering from a cognitive dissonance, that has shaken me awake from my denial.

Professor Tariq spoke to the 20 000 audiences of a 'training' that occurred in Egypt prior to Mubarak's downfall. The knowledge of the training was known, for its intention of toppling Mubarak by 2011. He cautioned while not believing in conspiracies is conspiring in itself, it is also important to be aware that conspiracies exists nevertheless. In other words, to deny conspiracies is being ignorant, but believing conspiracies exist obsessively can also be ignorance. He insists that we read, interact and understand various contexts. Being solely dependent on the media, and literal interpretation are insufficient.

I was overwhelmed by how the Egypt training uncannily resembles Klein's shock doctrine. Professor Tariq may have his bias. But the legitimacy of the uprising becomes slightly diminished if the training that existed is truly staged by western influences. To put it bluntly, when an external influence has to brainwash to impact change, the change that occurs is not completely 100% pure. The will of the people becomes less authentic and a product of external infiltration. Undue influence invalidates a contract. As such, the social contract of a nation may become void if it is influenced by the west. However, how do you distinguish between a pure will and influenced will? Do instruments that measure exists? If a minority was trained, but a majority 'claims' to believe in similar objectives, is it still undue influence?

In this era of globalization, conformity is peer-pressured. Governmental structures that are 'undemocratic' is regarded as passe. Democracy is preached and modeled by nations, but each is flawed for its failure to uphold the rule of law. Often than not, the failure in upholding the rule of law is due to economic interests as explained by the shock doctrine. Profoundly expressed by Yusuf Islam, just like the allegory in Animal Farm, while "all pigs are equal (but some are more equal than others)," similar can be said about democracy. "Some democracies are more equal than others." It has become notoriously justified hypocritically.

Professor Tariq emphasizes on the need to address economic structures and economic justice in the model of democracy. This best be implemented, or I hypothesize the fulfillment of the shock doctrine model will prevail. The question is not if Egypt is ready for democracy, but is the West ready for Egypt to be democratic? Will the West set aside its economic interest and respect autonomy and sovereignty of Egypt as a nation?
I get goosebumps when my favorite surah is beautifully recited
It makes me feel small like the ant of an anthill in an infinite universe
Yet at the same time I'd feel loved and remembered...
He knows my heart,
For He never forgets and always remembers.

Friday, December 23, 2011

The Great Escape

No matter where and who we run from,
I guess we'll somehow someday find ourselves 
In the same place where we started from....
And see things a lot clearer than we once did.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

The more I learn, the more arrogant and snooty I realize I sound.
Arrogance is really a display of my own ignorance....

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Reconcile

I saw myself in her eyes.
Despite our similar appearance, we were told we have opposite personalities. Teachers have spoken of myself as the social introvert, but it is vice versa with her.

There we sat at the food court of Square One, in a city we grew up in, discussing many things. Over a styrofoam boxed meal, and Brisk iced tea, for almost three hours. Between life, relationships, friendships, universities, fears...etc. It was the catching up session very much delayed and often overlooked. She dreams the same dreams I had, fears the same uncertainties I felt, and wonders the same thoughts that once swamped my head. I think what surprises me most was her new found interest in politics, and her determination to nurture an impartial perspective in the pursuit of being a journalist.

We used to be closer than we'd become. But I think, growing up and moving away has made me more of a third parent than a sister I ought to have become. We probably drifted from there. But I believe I have much reconciliation to do...

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Life's adventures require uncertainty,
Exploration and knowledge are gained from overcoming the unknown.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Quirks

The clump of cream cheese in the hole of my bagel. I can never really decide whether to feel grateful or grossed out with the extra cream cheese. The same I'd feel about slush in winter.
& take home exams.

Waiting

Echoes and illusions have left the town,
You wonder why you're circling around-
Waiting for someone,
Waiting for a sign

Now you're here and you don't really know why.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Candy cane overdosed,
My room's a mess
....but I am free!

Let the holidays begin!

Belonging

The feeling of belonging is what we constantly yearn for,
But we fail to realize it sometimes,
That the simplest comfort arrive from the contentment with our skin,
We've been searching too deep, that we'd scraped the flesh
And punctured a hole into our bones-

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Odyssey

Your sword is the intellect. Sharpened by curiosity, driven by carved curve of rights and wrongs. Of morality. The shield beats in your chest. Like a war drum, a rhythm of lust. An impulse, of weakness subordinated by fidelity. The dawn marks your pursuit, that begins like the Roman conquest. An allusion to your fortune, is the unpredictability of the storm and the salvation of the ocean's waves.

Let your spirit wander, in search of guidance.
Satisfy your curiosity.
The gold is hidden in imperfection.

Age and Village

By the paddy field, I long-
Where sweet heat kisses my burnt skin
My bones weigh with tiredness
But soul wanes wonderfully

Vast greens are waving, smiling
& you, my dear, smile too,
With my hand in yours, you'll sigh,
Contentedly,

Watching our dreams and callous unfold-
They mark the lines of bliss
With you, I've longed for this,
With you, I'll chase for eternity .

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Nothing says freedom and bliss like picking up the guitar collecting dust in the corner of your room. And singing your heart out, because you refuse to study (...and feeling slightly loopy).

Compass

The needle of the compass always points north.
Where does your needle point to, when your your strength wavers?
Yourself, is a reflection of your imperfect fragility.
You may master the art of self-deception,
But the heart is not easily fooled
It sees right through
It knows every theatrical performances
& it knows every movement, behind the veiled curtain.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

There's no place like home.

I'm catching the night bus back to Ottawa.
While sitting in the kitchen trying to study, I caught myself off-guard.
That feeling of drudgery is back.
I guess Brantford has somewhat grown into me.
....a little. =]

Stamped & Validate

2 months until Guatemala.
My passport is finally renewed from twice being returned after filling up wrong forms. The consular at the counter asked if I wanted to keep the expired copy. My first Canadian passport. How could I resist? I vaguely remember the process we had to go through, to validate our citizenship and apply for a 'blue' passport. Singapore's passport was traditionally red.

Almost six years ago, I was seated with my parents and sisters at sketchy Central Parkway Mall. With what excitement we had at the thought of becoming Canadian citizens. Between giggling at our mugshots and endless wait time that felt like forever....

As I sat with O, waiting for my number to appear on the screen (it was A118), I couldn't help but wonder where my life will take me in another six years when my new passport expires. Perhaps it will have had more travel stamps than my first Canadian one, with only 3 countries (Thailand, Singapore and Malaysia). Maybe post-Guatemala will have opened more doors for more travelling trips and humanitarian adventures. God willing.

....Or maybe I will not only be renewing just my passport.....but er, some little one's? At age 27, lugging around diapers and stroller...oh gosh. But that sounds just about as scary as it could possibly (maybe 60%) be real. I'll think about that after I finish grad school.

But I couldn't resist putting my imagination to words, because someday when I am 35, I may possibly be laughing while reading this blog post at what ridiculous and immature thoughts I currently have....

Monday, December 5, 2011

sweet defeats

fight a bitter battle,
but keep your heart, be sweet-
for even the strongest soldier,
smiles from his defeats

Baguette and Red Bridge

it was foggy across the Golden Gate,
Tick-tick-time, let wooden clock wait
I sat inside my favorite coffee shop,
My mocha left an after taste

So maybe by
the red  STOP sign-
Is where my ends will end to where I chase
San Francisco may
Be without a Bay,
A postage stamp on the corner of my plate.

I'm writing letters on tea-bagged sheets,
But red-RED bridge
Suspends, and starts to glare
Drank the mocha, last drop I sipped
Tore half my baguette
With you, to share. =]

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Sweaters and Thoughts

Sunlight hurts your eyes, so you shut off all the blinds.
Maybe after the third coffee cup, you realize caffeine has no effect on you.
& the throbbing will never really stop, because you forgot to sleep.
You've outgrown your sweaters, and worn off your old thoughts.

Vault

Like a poltergeist, it keeps haunting,
The hidden, the vault in-
Logic falls in a sequence illogically
Fallacy and unfulfilled prophesies.