spine

The spine of the book sits firmly in the middle
to hold pages of the story together.
Something firmly in the middle of me
holds my story too, 
& it holds me together as well
                                                  -but it isn't my spine.

awkward

It is quite a wonderful thing to be able to sit in a room full of people whose passion echoes your own. Something rekindles itself like candle inside. It makes my heart leap in ways, so familiar as before my trip to Guatemala and Belize a few years ago. I think this is the same kind of fluttery you feel when you fall in love.

Or maybe I am just weird.

conviction (or pretending to be convinced) makes us feel a little better, sometimes.

todo y nada

antes nada
después todo
no sabes si verdad
y claro...

kalbu

memandang sejauh

seluas  angkasa

namun tidak semestinya hadir
tersentuh di sisi naluri

there is this weight in my chest that sorta tumbles a little when i breathe and i am afraid it will make me crumble when i am among strangers.

Missing can only occur with a departure.

I used to believe that every breath inhaled becomes a tiny part of one's soul. And you will breathe until the soul is complete, and has reached a point of fulfillment.

My heart feels like it is drowning. I don't think I am strong enough for this. 

Most graceful and most compassionate.

To the most merciful of this universe.

Of the depth and deepness, with every weakness I feel within me. 

Between tangible silences.

Ever in denial.

To the Keeper of Secrets, forgive him. 

Grant his family ease, strength and comfort.

You are but all-knowing. 

unaligned

Sober thoughts, drunken heart. The mind is a minefield when everything feels like it is drowning. Then all at once, I felt bravery and loss -
At the same time.

How is it possible to feel in extremes?

Here is a glass. This is half of me.  Down in a glass half empty - or is it half full? I can't tell. Does it even matter, anyway? We like to draw lines to let boundaries dictate lives. But even lines become uneven. And even lines need spaces...

feet

if you try to make things stay, it will grow a pair of feet and walk away.
& then you will tell yourself profusely
that what you thought was forever
did not last so long, afterall

halfhearted

i fluff my pillows 

thinking it will gather me dreams

or maybe soothe

my night wounds
but they flutter away-
anyway.

Remember how rocks fall into the rivers? How ripples of aftershocks make little waves. Of puddles and reflections. Of waves that refract images. Much the same, my reflection is refracted and lacks clarity.

Everything comes in waves. 

I am still finding myself. As we all are. As we will all be.

May what is within, like the river that settles in tranquil, be in peace.