Off to soak some sun & chill

Gone Port Stanley...=)
Be back by Sunday night, you will be missed.

Love
-Shaf =)

Empire of the Magic Beanstalks

=) Backstage photos before the play.

Summer's coming soon

=) On Friday, the top 3 valedictorian nominees were announced. I was named! The school has been voting and results will be announced on June 15, during Grad Breakfast.
It is quite a competition. I am running against my best friend Adrita! Also with another friend, Dhruvika, who happened to be my middle school valedictorian. It would be a dream come true if I win....But either way, I am happy!

This crazy week which I spoke of has left me deprived of sleep. I have been overperceptualizing. In other words, hallucinating. I am not lying when I say that I have seen floating halos just above people's head, like a cloud. Maybe that is the side effect of 3 cups of coffee + can of Red Bull (which I must add, tastes really funny).

So I bought my Commencement tickets and rental gown today. It felt weird. Honestly, it was as though I just took one more step ahead. There is really officially 10 days of school left. Then comes the exams. And then it ends....

Okay, I'm tired and I think I'm gonna nap, which will probably screw up my biological clock (but meh).

Hell broke lose & I'm still alive..

I haven't written anything in a while, I blame my busy schedule.
In this state of fatigue I have decided it best be that I clear my thoughts by reflecting on my super crazy week.

My drama performance was on Thursday afternoon.
Sentimentally, that was my final drama performance in high school.
Prior to being onstage, I had flashbacks of the first time I performed in grade 9. Four years have flown so fast. I have spent many months and hours working on that stage. This sounds corny, but it felt like home. A sense of belonging when I was onstage.
My best friend/director took me to a corner minutes before show time and spoke to me words I will forever remember.

"Shaf, you are Agnes. Even when you're offstage, even when it's over, you are always going to be an actress in this play called 'My Life'."

So with my face caked with make-up, hair curled and showered in hairspray...the curtains drew open and I gave the final high school drama performance of my life.
After the show, I was touched to have seen my middle school teacher and university friends in the audience. But the day was not over for me....

I had Carassauga (an international cultural festival) dress rehearsal on the same day. After a couple run-through with the dikir barat & tarian, I became cranky. Well, partly also because I was piled with homework due the next day.

So I slept really late, finishing off my Law Independent Study Unit Presentation on Adolf Eichmann (who totally killed my mood for being such a psycho Nazi), preparing my Philosophy seminar on communism, and scripting my presentation for Psychology. Friday was hell. After school was the first day for Carassauga, with the Dikir Barat performance.

Saturday and Sunday, Carassauga continued. Sunday night, I was piled again with homework. I was fortunate to receive an extension for an essay, but I had 2 others two write and a Psychology unit test to study for.

Between the play, Carassauga, and school. I have been sleeping at 3:30-ish every night. Well here's what I have to say:

I SURVIVED THROUGH HELL!!

(WOOOOOOOOT!)

Homework, oh homework, I hate you: You STINK.

I should really be doing my homework.
There is a pile of research material up on my table.

But it is beautiful blue skies outside.
And I started the day cleaning my room and shifting around my furniture.

One thing led to another and now I am blogging.
Varun just called, trying to get me out and watch the fireworks for Victoria Day tonight.

And ohmigosh, I have done one annotated bibliography, out of my list of 10 things to do.

I am so screwed.

So unmotivated to do my homework.

Oh, f-my life.

On a happier note, yesterday was awesome. =)
Another picnic outdoors, & the weather was windy cold.
I did not sail on the lake yesterday, but the others did.
I wasn't in the mood because the weather was windy and cold.

Serious.

I wasn't afraid of drowning or the wind blowing the boat off to capsize.

Not at that time, I was not.
Honest.

I'm gonna do work now, I promise.

But here's a photo of me high off caramel coated ecstacy. Spiked into the donut, possibly. Oh and the llama in sunglasses in the background checking me out. =P

Critique

Trip to downtown Toronto with the Philosophy + Drama Class.
The play we saw was entitled "Ten Green Bottles".
Basically about a Jewish Holocaust Survivor, relevant to WWII theme.
We had the chance to meet a holocaust survivor after, which made the whole trip to be quite meaningful.

The stage direction of the play was impressive. I loved the acting. I thought the little dancing/seizure-like transition was creative...but it became annoying when it happened frequently.

The story-line was predictable.

My reality

There is something about walking through the halls of my middle school. That strange feeling. A sense of belonging. Mixed with memories of ambitions, sweetness....
Of maturity.

Flashes of memories, before my eyes. Memories of butterflies before a drama performance, while I sat being the audience today.Memories of playing my flute in the music room.
And the days I would wait by the lockers,

and pass by the hallways.

I felt 5 years younger. Trapped in the body of an eighteen year old.

I saw familiar faces too. They were once teachers of mine, but the hugs eliminated the boundary of formality in relationship. It was surreal.

Walking by the streets after the short visit I was terribly confused.
I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.
Oh, time.
You are just flying by too fast for me.

Before my eyes

There is something beautiful, about seeing a different side of you today.
No words can describe such beauty.
You may be a father to me, but I saw the child in you today.
When you bought the flowers, kissed and hugged my grandmother...I swear time stood still.

Years and miles apart.
Time does not restrict love.
Distance will never be an excuse to forget someone.
I have learned the most valuable lesson today from you.

I love you so much.

Wilted dream

At the most critical and decisive time of the year...
funny how a simple letter can turn your day upside down.

I have never seen so many emotions in you.
You were mad.
Disappointed.
Upset.
Hurt.
Broken.

I know you are discouraged, but it is not the end of the world.
Sometimes, things don't turn out the way you plan to.
Sometimes, things like this happen for a reason.

I understand I am not in the position where you're at.
That talking is simply much easier than experiencing what you go through.
I don't know what to do to make you feel better.
I understand you need the time and space.

But know that we are all here for you.

Counting down the days...

I was approached today by several people and group of friends today.
They plan on nominating me for valedictorian.

I won't lie,

I am flattered and thrilled!

It would be a dream come true if that happens.
But, what are the odds, right? This position is written in stone, for our S.A.C Prime Minister. And there are people who I know are much more charismatic.

=) Even so, I am happy and grateful! This is exciting!

But what it all comes down to, is that I hope we find someone who best represents our Class of 08/09...

That's all that matters.

Words.

To you,
This is hard on me.
You are brilliant. You seem to know me, inside and out. Maybe you know me too much?
Lately, I seem to see a difference in our friendship.
I think it's just me...I hope it's me.

But, you judge me. I feel small, inferior...and insecure when you do that. Like you did today. There is this heavy, sinking feeling. Very discomforting and unsettling feeling right now.

Maybe I am sensitive. Maybe I just cannot take in criticisms.

Or maybe I am over-thinking things.
But if that's the case, words cut deeper than actions sometimes.
I should really stop...overthinking?

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent"-Eleanor Roosevelt

Carleton Cuties; <3

I spent my day nerding up with research for my ISU's.

I was then kidnapped by two of my best friends.
Janis & Reema took me out on a 2 hour night cruising mission,
Stuffed me up with Iced-Cap & donuts.
Rocking out with our favorite music loud, dancing in the car & sharing awkward stories.

Reminscing the old times.

Last time I saw them was in February. I missed them much!
I can't wait to be joining them in Ottawa this fall. =) I love them both much! Summer's around the corner so we'll be chilling more frequently.

Take it with you =)

You can walk a million miles,
Sail across the seven seas,
Into caves where you try to hide,
To places you've never been.

But at the end of the day,

Despite the travels,

The truth reveals.

Far from what you once tried to lose
The buried self; surfaces
Still within.

There you'll stand, once again

At a difference place and time,

Facing the self that you tried to hide
Grasping on to it.

So it will never fly.

Away.

Operation: Fool Ignorance

i love my Model United Nation's Team Cambodia!
Today's experience was amazing. I am grateful to be able to relive this for the last time, and end it on a good note. We are a such close team! We have been working, researching and debating for less than two weeks but it is brilliant how close and attached we have gotten. It's just too bad that we ended so early...time was just too short.

7:45 a.m.-Senior team members met up at my house. The team looked so good all professionally dressed! My dad dropped us off at the HJA Brown Centre where the Peel Board Office is at.

• They served us breakfast, and oh boy I felt so sophisticated and mature sitting around a table discussing political resolutions while drinking juice and eating pastries
• Ben Powless, a Mohawk Native gave us a speech about Indigenous life. I had the opportunity to ask him a question after the speech.
  
• During lunch, we were grouped in a room with Malaysia and Romania. We formed alliances with Malaysia!
  
• Lobbying took place after. Each delegate debated with other delegates on their position. Some countries formed alternative resolutions. We secured our position with Brazil. =) I should add that there were a lot of intense, political fanatics. I was honestly harassed by a delegate from India who would not stop persuading me with India's resolution...I had to hide in the bathroom.
  
• Our team leader, Adrita, represented us at the round table. She presented her speech eloquently and brought up a lot of critical key points during the debate. We were honestly the only nation with an open mind and neutral stance.
  
• The alternative resolution we liaised with Brazil (which Malaysia also supported) was passed during the voting session, with 13 votes!
• Photo sessions with the team after and the team took a cab home enthusiastically discussing the amazing experience

Throughout the day, my team spent more time figuring out how to say Cambodian names than anything else. We attempted to memorize the Cambodian national anthem...but it was much too mouthful, and the notes were in soprano. It was all in the name of fun. Honestly, we were a crazy bunch. My team insisted I say that I am a true Native from Cambodia and speak in my language during lobbying. In fact, they insisted that the guest speaker was my long lost brother! The teacher supervisor for the conference, aka my philosophy teacher Ms. Whetter....joined in with the bullying. She is such a cool teacher. The other teacher supervisor (which we have had tensions with) did not even show up to support us. Oh, whatever...Whetter has been the most encouraging of the two teachers anyway.

It was pure fun. While other teams were in serious political debate mode, we were goofing off with each other and playing ignorant. It was strategy... ;)

If we were real diplomats...I'd think the world would be in a horrible position.

I am gonna miss Model U.N.! I'll join the Uni version of it next year, though!

It is my ultimate ambition to represent
in the real United Nations body, one day.
Maybe it'll happen.
It might...I'll just have to wait and see, I guess.

I will upload photos later on. =)

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams" -Eleanor Roosevelt