hurricane

When you're going against the currents,
the winds of the hurricane,
the hail of the storms
you sometimes forget that you're still standing
even if you're not moving,
you're still standing
                       -i guess it's something to be grateful for.

I'm not seeking attention,
nor am I seeking your sympathy.
You can tell me the same thing everybody has told me,
I'd probably memorized it all by now.

I'm tired of keeping it to myself, and pretending I know everything will be okay

(as cliché and exploited of a phrase as everyone have said to me)

when I don't even know what will happen next.

I just need a channel to vent, and release the broken pieces inside of me

It hurts.

Because my own self-disappointment made it break.
Yeah, there are worse things in life.
But I am human too.

Fighting shadows is hard.

No matter how many times I stare at the sidewalk,
Staring doesn't get me anywhere.
But then again, I can put many fronts to my face,
but it is not a uniform that makes a soldier brave.

fall.

Ever wanted something so badly, to hold it in your hands for a moment only to watch it unloose itself from your fingertips?

Hopeless is a word. But words are only easily spelled and pronounced. If you feel hopelessness searing a scar through your soul, hopelessness will hurt. And the pain brings anger igniting self-loathing and self-disappointment that breaks you little by little. It consumes and blinds...

I have sat at the back of a bus feeling hopeless. & when I lost control over hopelessness, I felt naked. As other passengers stared at me....judging and making assumptions over my tears. When all I longed for was a hand or hug, I felt ashamed. So I got off the next stop and walked home instead.

When they say nothing is greater than self-disappointment...they were right. I think my self-esteem has wavered.

Words are easy. Telling someone to be strong is easy. Telling someone to have faith is easy. Telling yourself to believe there is a better plan ahead is easy.

Until you fall, from up high where everything once looked to small...and you implode to shatter into thousands of teardrops.

That's when you realize gravity. And struggle to find your feet, when what's left of your shoes, torn and shredded like the material world, are all you have left in your hands.

Pemeliharaan

Songket terlipat, bercorak rumit
Berbenang emas, ditenun tangan
Keindahan budaya diwarisi zaman

Sejarah Melayu kegemilangan

Setajam keris berasal di Jawa
Gerak-geri tarian, berseni silat
Patuh setia peraturan langkah 

Mempertahan nama, mewakili adat

Semangat kepada bahasa ibunda
Di naluri membara api berleluasa
Bermohon pujangga dibetulkan jika,
Silap menulis pejuangan budaya 

Senandung

Bagaikan embun tersusun di daun,
Suratan kata tertulis di hati

Di hujung bumi merpati berkicauan
Tingkah lagu bertala di pagi hari.

Kumbang dan lebah mengundur kasih,
Mekar harum mawar dan cempaka
Renungan pusaka disambut kemari

Budi dan bahasa menghiasi jiwa.

You don`t realize the beauty of your own language, poetries, colours, etiquettes and sounds of your culture until you are far from it.

That said, I need to start writing in Malay.

cedar

wanting, willing

will I ever be? -
i'm debating

mind under matter,

as my feet dance on the ground

sorrow tastes sweet

but i know,

bitter bites tomorrow

still, as i stand

is nothing in my hand?

nobody to follow

even night clouds have hidden,
too sour of a pride to swallow

loneliness is company

but is my shadow really a friend?

letting loose words like leaves,

from my fingertips,

tracing life on sands

i carry my soul in a glass jar

to search for home again.

Through the looking glass

You look at me like I've got everything,
& I stare back at you, thinking you've got nothing
Discerning,

you're the other side of me.