A million thoughts flew by

A feeling you feared to feel
With a hundred photographs spread on the bed
Each holds a story of happiness
You don't want to forget
But it felt so long ago

& the summer is in full bloom,
& your thoughts sober

To the days that flew by,
You want remembered
To the days that come
You hold much doubt

This is the reality revealed

A million unspoken words you write
But none expresses what fear you feel inside.

11 days left in town...

Last night I had a bunch of people coming over.
I don't know how I felt about that.
It was strange...

People were congratulating me, wishing me farewell, bidding me good luck.

Faces of people I've known throughout years of being here...

I caught a glimpse of my mom looking at me, with pride.
But there was honestly something else, that made my heart sank.

I am going to miss her so much.

So my dad and I went to make me a credit card yesterday
I promise to use it responsibly. Well, I've booked my ticket back for the 18th using the credit card. I suddenly feel so much richer...hehe =)
And I've got a webcam and a printer.
All the kitchen stuff has basically been taken care by my mom.
I've got pots and pans, blender, toaster AND a coffee maker!
I'm soooo grown up, it scares me...

All that's left to pack is my clothes.
And stationary stuff.
I kinda have been pushing the clothes packing behind.
It's gonna feel weird once I clear out my closet....
I mean most of the time, my closet's a mess.

Writer's blog?

Okay, lame joke. Lame pun/wordplay.
I haven't been writing in a while.
But, I did finish my valedictorian speech.
Which does require much tweaking and editing...

I shall figure all that later.
Frustrated, I am. A little maybe.
Or I'm just jealous.

Because I caught my sister writing a poem sometime ago.

I suppose by writing I meant poetry.

So the wind of inspiration shifted her way.
I'm kinda getting worried.
Because....

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

Empty
Is my mind.
For the thoughts I had
Once drained.
I'm trying hard to find
Words scrambled up,

In lame.

So lame. I mean, how deep was that?
Deep enough to sink my brain into a bowl of mushroom soup...
I have no clue what I am saying.
It's past 2am and I can't sleep.

You're the only road I know

I have been overwhelmed much too many times this year.
Confused and satisfied with all too many emotions at once.
I have been told that I changed. And I will not deny such statement, because I really do believe that I have. Emotionally, I am different.
I have seen things emerging from the invisible.
I am feeling emotions I know I would have otherwise missed.

My parents attitude around me have changed. They seem to have accepted my independence.
I have always been a little distanced out with mom, but lately I find myself overprotective of her emotions and understanding of her position.
Above all, is my relationship with my youngest sister. She has always been neglected, 'just-THERE' but barely acknowledged. I find myself spending as much of my time as I can with her...and I've seen her attachment to me, and her fear of losing me. I won't deny that I have many times thought about how much I will be missing out in her life...as everyone in my family will be, in mine.

So this it what it feels like when my parents had to leave behind their parents and siblings. I am desperate to absorb as much as I can, and wanting to hold on to everyone.

All because I have a month left in this town.

This all but too familiar to me. A year ago, my best friends left for Ottawa. I remembered us sitting in Janis' car in front of the cinema. Then a song came on and parked in the parking lot we were silenced in the car. Analyzing, reflecting...on the lyrical message of that song. I came to love that song. You know how songs have the ability to landmark emotions and thoughts by its lyrical and musical value? Well, it became one of those songs I can relate to. Then, the song would remind me of the memories, being a passenger of Janis' car. Each time I heard it, I'd miss Janis and Reema.

Yesterday, I sat in your car. I truly understand fate from that drive home. Believe me, it was much too perfect to be deemed as a coincident.
You know how much I love the full moon, the city lights, the sunset, and seeing airplanes take off...I've seen all that, while you drove and held my hand. Then the same song I had the night I was in Janis' car hummed in my head...

I realize how much I was going to miss you, and I haven't left yet.

Thinking back to how Drive My Soul would remind me of Janis. My perspective of that song seems to have much more meaning now. One with a much depth...and relevance. Every line from that song makes so much more sense.

When you left last night, I was humming it and I have it stuck in my head the whole day, today...I love you so much.

<3