Ramadan Mubarak! =]

Half & Full

Yellow sandals on the pavement,
Mind and feet walking on nothing new,
Tell me that I couldn't care less,
& my sunglasses have broken into two

With half my heart bottled up in glass,
The other half I've tossed in the recycling bin
& all of my brain questioning,

'Why does it all matter now, again?'

Cure for boredom #1

-hopelessly singing songs by Jason Mraz at the top of your lungs like a boss

(as we speak).

Faiths

At the mention of religion, we squirm. It is no surprise how much discomfort the world experienced with the recent terrorist attack in Norway. I explicitly declare it an act of terrorism because this particular word used in everyday parlance has become subconsciously personified. It is given a specific image, faith and ethnicity, cultivating ignorance, narrow-minded perceptions and stereotypes. Nevertheless, I mentioned so in a manner as lightly as I could. As it is such a shame that 'terrorism' typically subscribes to a fundamentalist position, typically rooting itself with a faith-based, in the most extreme interpretation. This I would like to make clear, that an act of inflicting terror need not to be perpetrated based on a religious goal. Any ideological standpoint, instigating an act of violence to create hysteria and confusion is a terrorism act. State sponsored terrorism exists, in the most explicit form even 'justified' by those who hold authority, which demises the notion of terrorism being triggered by solely 'religion'.

I cannot begin to mention how many debates I have encountered with my colleagues and peers, aimlessly pointing their fingers at religion as the catharsis of every problems in the world. Yet each time, I'd defend myself with the same premises and argument. In a Western society, much focus has been placed on secularism as a principle of governance as the ideal. The tension between religion and secularism is unsurprising, mostly due to the concept of secularism taken at its pure, 'rightest' form. Having religion completely free in the public realm is practically Utopian. I am for secularism, with condition that it accepts diversity and opens doors for acceptance. Closing it to the private realm will only breed intolerance, stereotypes and ignorance. It would be easier to make assumptions than learn in that sense. Religion is a lifestyle, similar to how one is vegetarian, likes green as a favorite colour, takes breaks to clear his mind off when he's super stress and maybe is politically left on the spectrum. Also, religious thoughts, beliefs and ideas will inevitably infiltrate within the public realm because of how intricately attached it generally is to lifestyles.Therefore it would be truly unnatural and imposing to have secularism interpreted in a biblical manner. It risks causing undue influence, very much comparable to imposing one's religious belief on another.

I have frequently supported the concept of accommodating and accepting diversity, consistent to John Stuart Mill's Harm Principle. That which, "the only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others." In law, section 1 of the Charter of Rights is the reasonable limits clause. Through which the measure of harm or infringement is done with an legal instrument known as the Oakes Test. If a provision of the charter has been violated, the proportionality of the harm is assessed to see if it can be justified under section 1. As such, imposing secularism in its pure sense, and accepting it as a universal value, I believe it would not pass section 1 of the charter. For the reason of undue influence I mentioned, the harm done would not be proportionate to the good.

The basic teachings of any religion roots itself with ideas of love and peace. Not a lot of people accept that because of the subjectivity of what love and peace means. This is truly no different to how not a lot of people are able to accept various notions of political ideologies in its real sense. It is human incapability to overcoming subjectivity that creates conflict. We are judgmental creatures, with different experiences, governing ourselves with the binary perception of "right and wrong". It is inherent within us or a habit, rather, that we happen to possess the 'holier than thou' attitude. It is no wonder that the Cold War occurred, and this war had no ties to religious belief, but with two very distinct polar ideologies and both parties rigidly declaring each is right and the other is wrong.

The lack of humility from these attitudes restrict proper discourse and exchange in progressive ideas. It is as if we had not learned anything from history. So long as the 'I-am-right-and-you-are-wrong' concept remains rigid within our heads, and certain groups are suppressed, stigmatized and neglected....nothing in this world will change. We'll only keep bringing ourselves in circles of blaming and finger pointing, taking us nowhere.

Targeting and demonizing faiths are getting old. Many religions have been misunderstood. Now I realize I come off sounding like an idealist, but the realist in me says that if we can overcome gender inequality and moved beyond racial segregation in the past, religion is something that can be accepted too.

As a global citizen, it is our duty to learn acceptance and clarify.
Seek to understand, then be understood.

Today I surrendered.
Battles after battles.
So I gave up, and raised the white flag.

I lost this battle the moment I signed the contract
Foolishly and hopelessly believing in change.
Expect apathy, bitterness and more tears.
I am only human.

Bicycle

Basket on the bicycle, beating-
Is my heart drowned in cups of caffeine
Feet firm on the pedals, spins-
The chain like my mind, shaky.

Basket on the bicycle, my burden-
Follows to No Man's Land, in obscurity
Gripping palms on the handles, dents skin on my fists-
Metal chains like my heartbeat clinking.

Basket on the bicycle stuck to the back of my seat,
Like these discomfort and bitter strain of my muscle-
It aches, ashamed, outside and within.
For I pedal with my feet and clench handles in my hands,
To ease and seek, to divert in guilt

Hammock

Lemonade & swinging, singing
Hammock and a clicking photographs
To bookmark the smiling pretty

Books and barefeet, blowing
Dandelions laughing all dandy-
Sweet heat, sun-kissed, sunburnt skin

Happy days, are here
Sunshine stay, don't leave for fall again.

On love

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two" -Captain Corelli's Mandolin

One of the most beautiful struggles in human life is the challenge of accepting another holistically. To love in its entirety, for the superficial and depths of flaws, to accept pain as a condition of imperfection, without expecting in return. To understand, with patience and be understood without being critical. To being gentle.

Perhaps this sounds all too unrealistic...but in my heart I know it is not impossible.

Cogito

Nobody would devote their time, being and existence to any religion if they believe it is man-made. I believe in the recognition of supremacy shadowing, and that some things are meant to never be understood because of our fragility, incapabilities and imperfections. How beautiful is the universe, and structured are the order of this world and existence. Therefore to whom is credit due to, if not for its Creator?

Dubito, ergo cogito, ergo sum.
I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am.
The irony of arriving to certainty from doubt.
Doubting is afterall a characteristic of human weakness.
If I am imperfect, perfection has to exist.

Besides, it is human nature to have the best often sought for in everything.
Therefore, how is it possible to deny the existence of a Supreme being, the best of the universe?

Moonlit

Wind you blew through my window pane,
A candle melts darkness, sways to lit my room
Moon, like honeycomb yellow yonder
& fiery silence glowing
Sighs my soul in vain

Wind you blew through, take my breath away,
Rekindle this harden wax, poised within my chest
Moon you shine, turn my skin milky and pure
Like my bone,
Brace the cavity
That lures my lingering soul to stay

If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?

-Khalil Gibran

Paper Cup

Write your life story on a paper cup.
Just to waste the ink left in the already drained out pen.
Like the drops of dried up attachment I have left within my fingertips
My passion is disappearing.

Sweetest has become not as sweet anymore.
Indifference has taken over.
& I'll keep doing what I was meant to do,
Because it's who I've become anyway.

Sovereignty

Ancestors of men claimed lands. Yet the lands existed before men. And in some circumstances, men made a declaration of possession on the 'already' inhabited lands. Lines of boundaries continue to be drawn and redrawn. Personalized with names, symbols, identity. Personified with characteristics reflective of its inhabitants.

The irony is, men continue to create boundaries after boundaries, while at the same time, they will seek freedom under the jurisdiction of sovereignty. Freedom, that is the immaterial. Sought from the possession of land, the material.

No, I am no anarchist. But the cycle of civilization and nature of humanity have submitted my thoughts to the overused statement of 'history repeating itself'.

Of dreams & ten minutes

Every morning, my alarm would ring exactly an hour and fifteen minutes before I start work. I'd hit the snooze button TWICE just to experience the momentary gratification of having the extra TEN minutes.

As very well portrayed in the film Inception, ten minutes is equivalent to about two hours in dreamland. A lot can happen within that span of time. Let's just say I am frequently able to tailor and manipulate the ending of my odd-and-highly-unrealistic-dreams to my liking because of these ten minutes.

I'm proud to say today, within ten minutes, my hidden talent and mechanical skill surfaced. I fixed a sinking Titanic-like ship in the Atlantic to become a spaceship, saving everyone in history...

Apathy

And in this silence,
Rethinking old thoughts.
I think I have finally centered my inner-self.
I found beauty in silence today.

Murphy's Law can unfold himself anytime now,
& I believe I couldn't and will not care any less.
My sanity is within my fingertips.

Abode

I am twenty. And in the midst of moving houses, I keep telling people I have spent half my life in this city. Ten years in this beautiful four bedroom house with a gorgeous backyard I once dreamed my wedding photo will be captured at. Underneath the shady green maple trees, I've spent summers sitting, sipping juice and reading books. I've ran bare feet on the grass in the spring, and eagerly await for footprints of bunnies or cats to imprint the carpet of snow in the winter. Admiring the scent of the blooming lavender in the evening, and sitting on the steps of the front porch staring at flying-by airplanes.

When I first moved in, the walls of my room were blue. We painted it off-white immediately. I imagined myself sleeping the tower of the castle until I was thirteen. But I barely slept on my own bed until I was about fifteen, for an odd fear of a reason that continues to remain unknown. I played basketball with the neighbors until I was fourteen. My first basketball net was a twelfth birthday present from my parents. And when summer nights get much to hot, with my parents refusing to turn on the air conditioning, my younger sisters and I would find excuses just to sleep on the folded mattress in the basement. I remember waking up early in the mornings in elementary school, just to measure to see how tall I've grown against the walls. There leaves a light pencil marking smudged. Riding bicycle when I was in sixth grade, falling off two houses down had left a scar on my right knee. All-nighters spent in the kitchen on the computer, working on ISU's while chatting up with a guy I was crushing on... Along the with blackout that occurred in 2006, playing the guitar in candle-light, while mama would barbeque the pizza outside. Sleepovers after sleepovers, and friendships I've shared that flourished.

People have walked in and out of these doors for as long as I remember. Families visiting from afar. Those who within days of meeting have slept in the guest rooms. Friends, and those who have turned into foes. I looked forward every year to having people cramming the house, socializing, smiling and laughing while enjoying buffet food. Rehearsals after rehearsals that occurred in preparation for Carassauga within the last two years. Drama practices and projects that occurred in high school, along with a surprise 17th birthday party with some close friends.

Now I sit here, on the floor of the kitchen typing and flooded with a million memories in the back of my head. With most of the furniture dismantled, along which included the bed, shelves and side table in my bedroom. My closet has never been so empty. Silly how missing socks have ended up emerging. Along with old birthday cards. Boxes are stacked in the corner. This will be my last night spent in Mississauga before I return to Ottawa tomorrow, and my family settle to move in another city. My heart is sinking.

It is not this house that I will miss most but the symbolic representation of memories that happened within these bricks and wooden frames I have called home. I know what I will miss most is the long walks and profound conversations I've had with my best friend every evenings. But I realize too the beauty of moving ahead. That changes must be overcome and with a new chapter that begins, lies another story and unmarked experience just waiting to be explored. I suppose what and whom I have truly cherished in the past years will truly surface in these upcoming years. That which will withstand distance, time and obstacles is genuine and will remain.

This is me. My final night in Mississauga. And as I have mentioned in my graduating speech of a mantra on  'we're moving on, but not ready to let go'....once again I find myself in a circle realizing that I have nothing to let go of but a lot to hold on to. There's  absolutely nothing that we should let go of but our fears.

Signing out for the last time in good old 'Sauga City'.
Cheers to another new chapter for my family.
I pray for a smooth transition, more beautiful memories, everlasting friendships, continuous health and an ease to every future predicaments. InshaAllah.