Airwaves

You browse the aisles of Shoppers’ Drug Mart, even though you’ve picked up everything you needed. Just to finish listening to the song playing & feel that fire burning in your chest, making you slightly younger again. It wasn’t too long ago, no. You felt so naïve back then, so much has happened since.  The last line of the song escapes into the airwaves, you're back and grounded into reality. Such simple, satisfactory, silly moment of happiness. 

Then you smile to yourself in between coffee and discussion with your friend. You’re no longer seventeen, sitting at a pizza place by your house over lunch or spare period during school.  You’re actually having coffee, and discussing philosophy.

This is who you’ve become. 

Time has a strange way of playing tricks on you, no?
I wonder how it will be like in another three years. I hope I'll still do silly things such as staying the extra 2 minutes just to finish listening to a song playing....

Lemon Drop

This is my cactus. =)
Lemon Drop is his name because he is yellow by nature.
He is prickly, like the sensation of sourness
Tangy when hits your taste buds,
Or you may say he is thorny,
A symbol of his fearlessness.
He will motivate me to keep going, even if I have nothing.
(As you may see, Lemon Drop doesn't need much water).

& more importantly, his bright, yellow self will always remind me,
That there will always be future blue skies and sunny days ahead.
Lemon Drop will be my sunshine, on rainy (or snowy) days.

I promise to take care and love Lemon Drop.  =)

Checkmate

With every move you make,
I seized your pawns, knights and  rooks.
Merciless, at every attempts and compromises.
That I have been blinded by greed
Without recognizing, every move you made
Was a path cleared to let me win.

We have stalemate ourselves.

The checkered boxes have left me dizzy.

You'd let me remain queen so I can seize the king.
Or we can put every pieces back on the board,
Back like how things used to be.

Yet, this goes without saying,
I was already held captive by your checkmate 

With two pieces left standing,

I'd remain queen to a chivalrous king.

Veil of a gypsy

The gypsy surrounded by sky

Will find the mirage she made believe

A drifter, alone in crimson veil

On her own, eyes lined with darkness

In a desert of beauty, looking for stillness

Free spirited and wandering by the fire of the night

Heart worn out

Melancholy wrinkles

But she continues to drifts away,

Chasing the horizon for summer sunrise

& there she drifts away.

With nowhere to go, nowhere to stay

Love 'til you hate

Everybody will stumble, fall and break.
Everybody will cry themselves to sleep.

It is what that makes us human.

We learn from our mistakes.

You cannot understand happiness without being hurt.
You hurt the ones you love most, to learn how to love.

No, I am not justifying my actions.

I am not saying what I did was right.

What I am merely saying is that I have no excuse for my conduct. And I ought to have been more patient. Ought to have been more sensitive. My ego and sharp-tongue. My heart is blackened from anger, and spite. All in the name of ungratefulness. It is my weakness, I am filled with flaws. 

There is nobody I am disappointed with, but myself.
I am just a big twine of insecurity. & I made you bitter towards me, and just opened another door into this mess.

Shaf's Unexplainable List of Things

The following are collectible items on my wish list. =)

• A cactus 
• Starry Night by Van Gogh painting or poster
• A copy of Ingrid Michaelson's album 
• A fish in a fishbowl or a floppy eared bunny or a teddy bear hamster
• Funky pairs of earrings
• A customized mug with my favorite photo
• A t-shirt with Mraz in doodle like his album cover, and the words "We sing. We dance. We steal things."

I am still hunting for that cactus.

Subjugation & Domination

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. If angels were to govern men, neither external nor internal controls on government would be necessary. In framing a government which is to be administered by men over men, the great difficulty lies in this: you must first enable the government to control the governed; and in the next place oblige it to control itself. A dependence on the people is, no doubt, the primary control on the government; but experience has taught mankind the necessity of auxiliary precautions.   -James Madison

What if I subvert and refuse to be controlled by the government? I am on the verge of resorting to anarchism from all the systematic flaws this institution has to offer. 


Mark Wahlberg really needs to stop quoting the Federalist because all the big words are impeding my capacity to absorb simplistic concept of public law.

In layman terms:
I am screwed for the midterm tomorrow.

"If a man takes from your life, and doesn't add up to it. He's not worth it. You're just too beautiful for that."

Laundry, books and legality

I like the feel of laundry fresh out of the dryer and warm. But I'm too lazy to fold my clothes into crisp symmetrical stacks. So I just made a pile on the floor. Yes, I am a slob. It's midterm month, and I have to study! But I can spare a minute or two on facebook and blogger.  =)

I know, I'm just lazy.
Currently, I am formulating my thesis as a type. I am to defend this sentence:

"Books should have legal standing in the court of law."

Books can be legal persons. If corporations can, why not books? Animals have rights too, and "a Hindu deity is a juristic deity" as declared by the Privy Council. 

Would someone have taken legal action on behalf of a religious book, had a demonstration of hate or book burning taken place?

Books can have personality. I'd gladly defend my religious book. :)

Truth

His eyes were cold blue, and he had a scar with dried blood across the left side of his face. And I will never forget how deeply he stared into my eyes and said this words to me.

'There's no love without truth, so it isn't love we're all searching for, it's the truth. So don't be afraid of the truth.'

There is truth that we may be distanced by the path of our ambitions, but if love wills and is true within us, we want sincere happiness for another. There is truth, that we have weaknesses and flaws. That we break like a fragile glass into a million pieces when confronted by the truth. The truth is harsh. Reality is painful. But it is part of living. Part of realizing an inner strength. The truth leads to justice. The truth provides with strength. The truth makes us unafraid to love. The truth that lies deep within our hearts; and there is a reason why that wise man on the bus shared with me the truth.

He has found truth, and he was not afraid to show his love to a stranger. He understood the truth in the universe of humanity.

There I sat, speechless. The man excused himself when the bus came to his stop, and waved away at the window. He made me realize. He made me believe. I sat beside my good friend. We both needed to that. Shortly before our conversation was interrupted, we talked about the truth. About seeing the world in a paradigm that has shaped our lives. About people leaving, and hearts breaking. And I have never felt so close and connected to this friend of mine until tonight.

This was the confirmation I needed.
With both of us, tear stained, I suddenly realized the purpose of my existence.
Things happen for a reason.
God is great.

Eyes on me

I am having one of those days where I feel extra-self-conscious about myself. Where everywhere I go, I am being watched. My every move is being monitored. And everything I say is being recorded.

While complaining about my lecturer using impressive words in class, and doing little to help me comprehend the legal concepts to my study buddy, a girl sitting beside me questioned, "Studying for midterms?". I became intimidated by the fact that my conversation was being eavesdropped. Paranoid of everyone else's existence, I questioned away mentally at the concept of privacy.

On the bus home, I caught three people intensively looking at me. Perhaps it was a brief glance, that made me think I was being scrutinized. Nonetheless, I felt claustrophobic.

It must be the midterms getting into my head.
I have another essay to write, and two exams next week.
& right now, I'm loafting.
=)

Lying on a field of yellow daisies will make me feel happier.
I'd like to find me a precious pot of daisy to keep in my room.
Anything to keep the dullness away.

Or maybe a funky cactus...

Cactus Tree

& she only means to please them
& her heart is full and hollow
Like a cactus tree
While she's so busy being free
Like a cactus tree
Being free 
                                     -Joni Mitchell

My not-so-secret obsession.

I have moments where I spazz into an incomprehensible phase or state where I become utterly obsessed with the 1960-70s. I'd have The Beatles blaring in the background and day dream about pretty dresses & big hairdo mucked up with hairspray. I'd pretend to be like Audrey Hepburn, or sassy like Joan from Madmen. Then I'd pick up Plankton my guitar, trying sound like Joni Mitchell singing "Big Yellow Taxi"but I know my miserable attempt sounds nasally and silly.

Gotta love the period of activism back then too....I won't even start.

So tell me now, it must be the decoding of Philosophy of Colour article getting into my head, right? It is ten mins to midnight.

Miss Crabby

I love that sometimes despite my crankiness,
You can keep your cool and tell me you still love me.
I don't understand how you can tolerate my crabbiness, but you do.

& when you try to help me reorganize myself,
When I'm all bummed and stressed
Then I accuse you of  "telling what me to do",
I actually secretly adore you for caring so much about me...
It makes me feel better that you're always there to help me with anything.

Yes, it's twisted and messed up, I know.
But things never make sense when I'm crabby.
=)

Restraining Order

Cyndi Lauper is crooning away in the background and my eyes are strained from trying to understand my philosophy article on the Linguistic Significance of Colour. I am hungry, and cranky...if I am a nineteen year old boy, I'd probably start premature balding from my numerous attempts at making sense of the article. Philosophers annoy the crap out of me when they start adding science and algebra to formulate their philosophical arguments. 

Keep numbers, fractions, adding, multiplying and subtracting AWAY from words and letters please. I believe there needs to legally be a segregation. Yes, I discriminate. I'd call the Academic Police for a restraining order against math and science invading the privacy of journal articles. 

This is why I love political philosophy.

I can read Machiavelli's The Prince ten times, and yell at him for being a fascist-freak in my head but still feel content because he's brilliant with words. 

=( All that trouble to understand the concept of COLOUR.
Cyndi Lauper is making me feel better about myself though...time after time.

Living tree

Life is a living tree.
Shoot your branches high, what lies above you is limitless. And when the wind blows, your leaves may fall, like the people who came into your life may leave you. You may continue to stand tall. And what keeps you standing is the root of your principle and beliefs.
Even without leaves
Without branches
Maybe the trunk, that holds you withers away one day...

...the essence of your presence remains intertwined underneath, far below hidden from the eyes. So maybe your existence is ignored, and goes without formal recognition. For none of that really matters but your realization of your strength. That it was the depth of your roots that kept the tree together. That without the roots, you'd never have branched your way high up towards the shining sun.

& truly, it was because of your roots that you blossom and dared let go of the leaves, when time mercilessly left you without a chance.

Be proud of your roots, my tree friends.  =)
With love,
-the treehugger

Train

:) I love imagining and endulging in silly nothingness with you. I have had trainwreck days, but you'd fix me back on the rail and make sure the tunnels are lighted at the end for me to pass safely. Well let's just say the train is travelling real smoothly today and we're furthering our miles away...

With every landscape we're leaving behind, is a memory photographed and locked away for safekeeping. Sometime, like today, I may unlock this treasure box and encounter a scenery I very much like. I would love to turn back time too. But realizing how far ahead on the tracks we've been on, I'd dismiss the notion only to realize what better and more beautiful scenery is laying before me.

white scarves

Meaningless mercy, I have faith
In agony, you seize away my dignity
In darkness you tried to silence me
You’re dressed in uniforms
You think you feel brave
But you don’t fool me
And you don’t scare me
For I’m still standing here today.


I am the mother, the sister, the wife
Of life you took away
I walk for hope, for truth, for peace
This I vow,
They’ll forever stay


Torture me to dry
For we subvert your claims
A child I’ll no longer see you seized
You carried around guns
You think you’re feeling brave

But you don’t fool me
And you don’t scare me
For here I am, and I’m still standing


I am the mother, the sister, the wife
Of who you took away
I walk for hope, for truth, for peace
I vow,
Forever they'll stay
Forever they'll stay

Mothers of the Plaza de Mayo
Written on December 2009 for FYSM The Disappeared

Beret

Coffee

I'm in between sips of my Nescafe, and typing up analytical arguments for my first ever Legal Studies paper in the kitchen.
Coffee.
The bitterness slipped to the back of my throat. Sugar. Mmmmm.Sugar. Sweetness that lingered at the sides of my tongue. As I mentally processed the sensation, I thought back to my two cups of coffee from Rooster's last night. I decided the caffeine would keep me awake in two of my three hour lectures.A medium cafe au lait replacing my french vanilla, for an extra forty cents for a cup of fairtrade beans. They had sugar labeled fairtrade certified at Rooster's too. Funny how I suddenly became conscious of what kind of papercups were clenched in between the hands of students that passed me by. So I've said once Starbucks may have 'stronger' coffee to justify my consumption. But maybe the effect of caffeine is pure psychological, and in truth, it was the image of sophisticatedness with a branded coffee cup that appealed to me.

What's funnier is, that I reread this blogpost before publishing and caught myself saying Nescafe, in my first sentence. I've been bitten by the consumer bug...product branding has manifested into my head. Time to buy-cott. :)

little things

It's not about what you say,
It's how you act upon it.
You can have the world within your fingertips
And be infinitely unsatisfied
You can have everyone around you,
But it only takes that one person to smile and make your day.

He could be a stranger. Maybe a bus driver who  does his job driving the same route every morning and smiling the same line at every stop. She could be the person holding the door open for you , on your way into campus when it's raining out. Or a fellow peer,  passing through  a hallway, stretching  out to give you a high five on your busiest day to class. Maybe if you're lucky, it could be a simple text message you receive throughout the day, from someone  who adores you and wants you to know you are not alone.

But what matters is, that it takes little to turn your day around. Little things can turn another person's day around too. 

So, maybe that's why I'll start thanking bus drivers when I get off the bus.

Stuff in a glass jar

Knock open your cranium,
Grab hold of your brain.
Slice a line through your chest
Slide your hands through to your heart.

Stuff them in a glass jar.
Seal the cap with wax,
Tighten it again and again.

That's where your objectivity went

MacOdrum

Oh 4th Floor of MacOdrum Library. How I missed you. I have been sitting at the corner of the high stool counter for more than six hours now. I love the two windows, shedding extra sunlight against my skin and papers making it easier to read. Of course, a little sunlight is a blessing, despite such indecisive cloudy day. The colour changing leaves helps me relax too. It was absolutely gorgeous out, near sunset and I always feel like I have first class seating to observe nature. Because I have two squared windows to my right and right in front of me!

The silence is so still that I can feel it in bones. It's peaceful here, to the point I get lightheaded from reading too much. I had a pretty productive day. Almost done skimming through "Losing the Feminist Voice" by Claire Young and Susan Boyd for Legal Approach class.  

I enjoy every bit of simplicity and find delight over the smallest event I can get. My small fairtrade cup of hazelnut vanilla coffee tastes so much sweeter than it really is. Maybe because it was only for $1.45.