Myself, & nobody else

I am worthy.
I am who I am.
I should be nobody else.

I am surrounded by people around me. I am taking a great risk with the person I love the most and this can either make or break what we have. I can continue feeling worthless, neglected and uncared for. Or I can become confident, selfless and fearless. I chose the latter. My decision to take a step back is a sign of courage, so be proud of me. Because I have had faith all this while, I let my thoughts of unworthiness consume me. I let myself be pushed back, and taken advantage of. I need this to understand who I am. I need to learn to love myself again.

I don't know what changed. I don't know how one day, I woke up feeling neglected. But this is another test of faith for me...among many things I have been tested with thus far. It is naive of me to beg for the year to end quick, and just start new. It just doesn't work that way. All I need is God, and He will help me mend this broken piece of muscle inside of me. It doesn't matter if nobody is beside me. I can be happy.

I thought there's nowhere left to fall once you reach to bottom. Now I feel like I am at the bottom of the sinkhole. I feel trapped. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to be angry. More than anything, I don't want to cry. But I embrace all of these feelings, because I am only human. I need to fall before I can fly. I need to feel pain to know this is real. More than anything, I promise to overcome this insecurity I have growing inside of me.

If I can learn to love myself and have the capacity to love others, then it should not matter if nobody loves me.
& I promise NOBODY but MYSELF that this will happen.