You are mine :)

The rain like glitter slid down
& I've been through this many times
I'd reflect on my weekend.
Analyzing my favorite moments.
& As the wheels turned,
I'd be miles away from you.
Inside, my heart felt strange.
It surprised me.

Funny.
How songs came playing into my head the moment the bus moved.
Weird.
How five hours later, I saw you.
But you felt so far away.

I should be used to this.
But I secretly don't want to.

But last night I saw side of you emerging.
It wasn't the silly side.
No.
Well I've seen that.
Neither was it the confused.
Nor annoyed, mad, or hurt.

I don't know what it was.
...that side that I saw.
Seeing you reflecting on your past.
Reminiscing your childhood.
I saw what was inside of you.

You are beautiful.

Bliss.

I'm back in the library.
All calm, and relaxed...it's muggy out. But strangely, I kinda like it.
I am in an unnaturally good mood.
And I don't know why.

So I finished my FYSM comparison essay.
I have yet to start my Human Rights Proposal.
But I need inspiration, I have no idea what I'm gonna write about.
Who cares?
I'm in a good mood.

God, I hate myself for feeling so randomly happy.
I don't know why.

Mmmm...it's only 2:30.
Okay, so now I'm looking at people out the library window.
They look so tiny. In winter coats and boots. The trees are naked.
& I'm smiling.
Smiling, even though the person beside me smells like a pack of cigarettes.....
Maybe my smile will scare her away.

Deconstruct this thought.

I have a funny feeling in my heart.
I feel it each time, after we fight. It would sober me up.
I felt last night, when I talked to you on the phone.
& I felt it when I listen to the song you sent me just now.

I don't know what it is. I don't know why I feel it.
But it scares me sometimes.
It scares me in a good way, I guess.
Because everytime I feel this way, I realize how much of me you really have.
I'm afraid to lose you.

My head.

I spent at lest 8 hours in the library today.
My brain is suffocated
Head feels heavy.
Maybe it expanded.

From absorbing all that info

I'm so tired.
But I should be ready.
Women's Studies Exam tomorrow!
Wish me luck.

Absent but present.

I just chatted with an uncle.
Who have disappeared from my life for years.
My mom seldom speaks of him.
I have many times forgotten his existence.
But tonight I remember him.
I remember my childhood memories with him.

I was probably six years old.
Last time I saw him, I was leaving Singapore in 2006, and it was brief. Like a phantom.

I had a funny feeling when I chatted with him.
This feeling of bond...I think.

That feeling surfaced even more when he told me that he misses and loves me.
And when he told me to tell my mom the same thing, my heart broke to a million pieces. I know she misses him too.

There's beauty in this. Something good emerging, and I can sense it.

Right now, I feel like I have the world in my hands.
I think this is happiness.

Yeah.
I'm happy.

Blueberry bagel with strawberry cream cheese.

I hate the feeling of having to leave home.
Yesterday was my fourth time, leaving Toronto for Ottawa.
At the same time, I hope I continue to feel this way.
Continue to miss home.
Anticipate being my family.
It makes us stronger and closer, no?

This always happens.
It's becoming routine, but I get sentimental and quiet on the bus back.
I would reflect on the weekend being wonderful.
And as the wheel of the bus turns, so did my mind.

I'm in the library now.
Been sitting here for about 8 hours. But not consecutively, or my bum would hurt.
I took breaks, went to tutorial, had dinner and sat for the interview with my lecturer.
My Women's and Gender Studies exam is on thursday.
I've got enough covered. For tonight that is.

:)My title for this post is random but I officially declare it my favorite.
Just thought you'd like to know, I started the morning with blueberry bagel with strawberry cream cheese, chocolate danish and a large french vanilla. Yummy

Now, I think I'm tired enough to going home.
Bye.

Where the heart is

Yesterday, I was sitting at the Uni Centre.
Reading "The Shock Doctrine" by Naomi Klein.
I finished 3 pages of it, until someting uncommon occured.
Diagonally across, a white male fainted.
Then he started going into a trance...of seizure and became uncontrollable.
The student paramedics came and tried to stop him from rolling off down the stairs.

Then firemen and police arrived.
There were 6 of them.
Who tried to restrain the boy, who laid on the ground. Moaning in pain.

I later figured, it was an epilepsy attack.
& felt a mixture of fear, pity and guilt.
Fear because I was afraid of violent attack. I could've been victimized

Pity, for the injustice, that he had to go through what he did.

And guilt. For feeling fear. Which may sound a little irrational.

I headed on the bus back to Sauga last night, with Nabil.
Nothing much to say, except it was a long bus ride. And I accomplished some reading.

Today was wonderful.
My boyfriend is super sweet. I love the gift. The lotion and lipbalm. :) I'm gonna smell pretty! Yay!

Met up with Mr. Kontos and had the opportunity to be in the office with the Social Science Department Teachers. It was quite fascinating to see teachers in their 'zone'. I heard Kontos dropped the 'f'-bomb and it was AWESOME. lol. Mr. Breen was my grade 10 History teacher and it was cool to reconnect with him.

Kontos and I had the chance to talk about commencement, just reflecting on the night. He mentioned how there was an overwhelming feeling of warmth and love by being within the presence of my family, that commencement night. His favorite moment, was after the ceremony. When my sister, Irah, came to hug me and say how proud she was of me...

l felt like I was glowing, when he said that.
That I was blinded but given sight....
I have taken many things, and relationships for granted

Just two hours ago, I was out with my parents and youngest sis. We were at Wal-Mart.

I saw something that touched my heart.

It was the sight of my mom and dad, holding hands.

It was wonderful, seeing that. I felt secure. Safe. Love. Warmth....
Just the notion that my family is unbreakable. There is unconditional love existent.

I truly felt at home.

P.S. I suppressed my craving for durian! My parents bought tonnes for me.

<3