Punta Gorda, Belize

The gourd juice is leaving an after taste in my tongue. It is much too sweet. And I feel it dissolving to the back of my throat, mixing with the salty breaths of the ocean I am breathing. I am staring at the distance, where the purple orange horizon burn the lines of the ocean. The breeze lulls my mind away from the present. Into a space so far from here...

So much of this experience triggers memories and thoughts of my cultural identity. It is as if the Caribbean waves synchronizes itself to my heartbeat. Continuously, persistently...revealing to my minds eye: of who I am, who I have been all these while, in spite of where I have been and everything around me.

To my left, there are concrete houses by the shore, erected as if to defend from the vastness of the sea. If Punta Gorda is a kingdom, I wonder what struggles and sweetness it has endured. And I wonder how they compare to my own.

Belize puzzles me. Or maybe I am just thinking too much, like I always do, trying to make sense of everything around me.

I have seen caves, swam creeks, hiked into jungles, and now I am staring at the sea...
I have embraced a lot of things this country has offered me. And now I can feel the ocean's wind blowing frantically against me, reminding me to breathe.

& for some reason, I am reminded of mama's words, "seeing the world of creations, without forgetting the Creator"-

Thinking I finally understand now,
Believing, I can see it objectively now
Knowing, what it means to let go-
only to be begin again.

This is me. In full circle again. In Punta Gorda, just like once I was in Panajachel staring at the majestic Atitlan last year, witnessing the creations, and feeling the Creator's gaze upon me. As the wind sinks into my skin, as if to envelop me...

I feel tiny.
But differently.

-from my journal, written 22/02/13 at Asha's Kitchen dock, Punta Gorda, Belize.

Photocredit: Omar Khan