fall.

Ever wanted something so badly, to hold it in your hands for a moment only to watch it unloose itself from your fingertips?

Hopeless is a word. But words are only easily spelled and pronounced. If you feel hopelessness searing a scar through your soul, hopelessness will hurt. And the pain brings anger igniting self-loathing and self-disappointment that breaks you little by little. It consumes and blinds...

I have sat at the back of a bus feeling hopeless. & when I lost control over hopelessness, I felt naked. As other passengers stared at me....judging and making assumptions over my tears. When all I longed for was a hand or hug, I felt ashamed. So I got off the next stop and walked home instead.

When they say nothing is greater than self-disappointment...they were right. I think my self-esteem has wavered.

Words are easy. Telling someone to be strong is easy. Telling someone to have faith is easy. Telling yourself to believe there is a better plan ahead is easy.

Until you fall, from up high where everything once looked to small...and you implode to shatter into thousands of teardrops.

That's when you realize gravity. And struggle to find your feet, when what's left of your shoes, torn and shredded like the material world, are all you have left in your hands.