just a pawn piece on this game of chess -

hopelessly trying to win what is caged between your chest.

23/07/2015

- unruly

It is funny how things you never said can turn into the only thoughts you will know. Rewind, and release. Like a broken tape. Maybe it is not exactly broken.

But it was you, who chose to twist and turn the cassette to the beginning. To release and replay. Just so you can hear your very own heart skip a beat again -

that could-have-been,
but never will be.

relief.
more than a sigh.

remember orange summer sky

and remember feeling changed

everything in between

i can never understand what goes on in a mind
simply from staring straight through darkened eyes,

maybe i am not supposed to
and maybe like many other things i have come to accept -
(however convincingly)
this is not for me.

maybe it took a walk across the bridge,

overlooking the stillness of a canal
on a solemn, Tuesday night
to make you realize

there stand before you -
the fragmented sides
you tried so hard to bury and run from
surfacing again

only this time -
you let it be.

no quiero olvidar,
pero no quiero quedar

thirtieth

i used to feel like i was treading in sea, slightly drowning inside. i used to feel my pulse beat like thunder in my own head. through, and through, and thoroughly against. like vastness of waves crashing to the shores of reckless walls-
that i built like a cage around my chest, out of hurt in disguise.

and cemented by bucketfuls of resent-filled ego
                               in refusal to make home in the hearts of man

and here i lie, as if all of me feels stained
staring blankly as words pour out of me -
the melted wax harden by the winds blowing
through my balcony.
making curtains dance
with gracefulness i lack....

i want to be able to believe again,
and i want to be able to give all of me.

not in cowardly fragments as i have done...
and without wearing my tongue and heart in my sleeves
i have been tiptoeing myself on fields of landmines.
faking apathy - but fully knowing otherwise

                                                      i want to be able to feel something again.