Wandering mind...& boredom

I know it's past 2 pm.

But I'm craving 4 buttermilk pancakes.
Glazed with maple syrup.
And a strawberry milkshake.

But instead I'm sitting in the kitchen,

With both my cats staring at me
Looking out at the blossoming lilac and tulips,
Snacking away at a plate of buttered crackers sprinkled in sugar.

Wondering, what cats dream about when they sleep.

Platonic

I am a hundred pages through Tolstoy's Anna Karenina, about an eighth away before finishing this 800+ page novel. I anticipate every word written and love the secret wisdom Tolstoy hides in each chapter. Somewhere in this book, a line appealed to me regarding Platonic relationships.

" In such love there can be no tragedy....because in that love all is clear and pure..." -Tolstoy

Platonic love, "in its modern popular sense, is a non-sexual, affectionate relationship" (wikipedia). I have always considered a friendship I have with one of my best-guyfriend to be platonic. We labelled it so, strictly friends practically brother-sisterly. Not because we chose it to be that way, but because it became so. We clicked and connected that way. It is quite hilarious that many of our mutual friends considered us a couple back in high school, and we'd both be fairly annoyed and intimidated, complaining at society's ridiculous standards. Very heteronormative, and what I'd often call narrow-minded or shallow.

There definitely is something different about this friendship. The different insights and perspective we both have to offer in each other. Similar to a romantic relationship, yet at the same time slightly different. It is relentless that while I 'think-like-a-girl' and he 'thinks-like-a-guy', there's some sort of value in each other's opinions. Yet, emotions seem to be a lot more sensitive in a romantic relationship than platonic ones, I think. I mean, when you regard a guy as your brother, you couldn't care less about 'emotion-factor'. If the guy is your boyfriend, you'd probably want him to appeal to your emotions and vice versa.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in the importance of both types of relationships. There are advantages and similarities in both kinds.

One thing I'd often come across in seeking advice from a friend who is a girl, is the possibility of girls being slightly more judgmental than guys. I find myself putting on some sort of internal defense mechanism when confiding with a girl. But with my 'platonic-buddy', I couldn't care less what he thinks....maybe because most of the time, he doesn't tell me what I 'should' do, but rather 'what-would've-happened-had-you-done-otherwise'. It is a slightly more positive approach to prove my wrong, I guess.

Two days ago, my platonic buddy and I arranged a double date which I thought to be the most interesting night of my life. First of all, I felt so grown up! Such a transition from our high school-life-friendship, really. It was all sweet, and matured, something practically out of the movie. There is something I continue to treasure about this friendship we have, and that is despite absence, distance and time, there is no denying that such friendship existed. Above all, there is no coercion to artificially force such friendship to occur.

I am confident to say that the clarity in ideals shared in a platonic relationship and purity in motives, is what prevents the tragedy which Tolstoy speaks of.

Providence

I haven't really been productive lately. The only productive thing I could come up with was renewing my health card two days ago. My health card was a month expired.Which was wonderful, considering Ontario's universal health care has me back up again on the list to receive free medical treatment.

Gotta love paying taxes.

I bumped into the twins from my middle school and high school. It's nice to be back in town and see familiar faces. Yet, it was heartbreaking to have found out someone from our school recently passed away. It was due to a medical malpractice. My condolences to her family.

The irony.

Of all things to do on a Monday afternoon, to have received such news.

Life and light

The world seems smaller
When another flame blows out,
Yet the candle stands firmly cemented.
Its essence remains unforgotten.

Tenth line

I'll stand marked on this tenth line,
Heart shoved under my messy bed,
Hide it in a closet,
Locked with keys thrown away.

Time flew with sweet conscious,

But bitterness withers for time to stay

Prolonged secrets defy the obvious

But doubt troubles to sink away

Withdrawal

Sitting at the parking lot of our high school at the start of summer vacation has never felt so surreal. Contemplating away the path ahead of us. Flipping through our grade ten drama portfolio, laughing away at how incredibly silly all of us looked.

It dawned on me how time flew by so quickly. A year of university has just passed. It has changed our outlook and shaped our perspectives. Just this time last year, we were anxious and overwhelmed with the uncertainty of university. To top off, the excitement on prom and for some, the frustration over finding the perfect dress.

People will come and go in our lives. Events will occur to excite you, and some things may leave you high and dry.

I still find it wonderful that places and sceneries will inevitably witness and landmark memories. Even when certain moments and things will inevitably slip through our fingers.

20 things I experienced in my first year

1. You are just a number in a lecture hall.
2. Profs are not as intimidating as you'd think. They are actually NOT obnoxious people, even with twenty different degrees, Ph.d's and doctorates attached at the end of their name on the first ever slide of a lecture.
3. Class starts at 10:30 am, but you're still half awake taking notes.
4. You see more people on facebook and msn than taking notes on their laptop in every class.
5. Bored-est person in front of you might take a photo of himself on webcam while prof lectures away about Aristotle's Nicomachean.
6. You miss class just to work on a paper worth 25% of the final grade
7. Your essay starts to look like 20 people's ideas jumbled up in ten pages and you feel there's nothing original about it.
8. First ever D in an essay? It's not the end of the world.
9. The library becomes a favorite hang out spot.
10. You have Study Buddies.
11. You become a human rights nerd. You and your buddies discuss repression in Latin America or immigration issues over lunch.
12. Overthinking too critically can be overwhelming sometimes. Your brain just might slowly expand and melt at the same time.
13. Weekends begin on Friday, but nobody really understands where time really went.
14. Coffee cups become a trend. Everyone walks on campus with something in a mug, from Tim Hortons, Rooster's or Starbucks. You try suppressing your addiction to Starbucks each time you walk across the atrium by holding your breath
15. You start experimenting different drinks to keep your sanity from all the readings, like hot chocolate mixed with french vanilla.
16. Cooking is fun. But not when you're piled with assignments
17. Paying your bill is exciting and it makes you feel grown up and special the first time. But not so much the second, third, fourth...tenth time.
18. Student loan money disappears really quickly....on who knows what.
19. Having someone to talk to at night is nice. So you don't feel lonely at times.
20. You learn things about yourself that surprises you.