halfhearted

i fluff my pillows 

thinking it will gather me dreams

or maybe soothe

my night wounds
but they flutter away-
anyway.

Remember how rocks fall into the rivers? How ripples of aftershocks make little waves. Of puddles and reflections. Of waves that refract images. Much the same, my reflection is refracted and lacks clarity.

Everything comes in waves. 

I am still finding myself. As we all are. As we will all be.

May what is within, like the river that settles in tranquil, be in peace.

Nineteenth

How wonderful it is,

to feel tiny
& shaken a little

when you learn

that you are loved
in return.

Gentleness

as soft glowing, snowflakes
& here I fall again.

Litany

Hi, you. How are you? A litany of rhythm rings through my mind. In repetition. Like a catalogue of time. Of winds, and unwind. There is no meaning in mere recitation. 

There are many unspoken edges. Many words to say, but little meanings can be left unconveyed. Maybe they were conveyed. Or my mannerisms were off.

But we are often misunderstood. We like to misunderstand each other. Or not. Maybe misunderstanding is something we both are great at. Unintentionally, like the many things we have done in the past. In our lives. Accidentally. Life is a bucketlist of mistakes afterall, with bullet-points that leave holes marking moments we once thought were bullet-proof.

So here is a little post-it note, if you will. I have many words, maybe little meanings. Or does it matter, for it will all be misunderstood anyway.

For it all,

I only wish

that your mended heart

be safe to embrace again

elegantly, to wither

the euphony of wistfulness -
or maybe just my footsteps.
on an unknown sidewalk,
with curved roads and broken street lines
as fragmented was my coherence

i played pity on the leaves
for soon, they too will disappear,
but somewhere
between my pretentious melancholy,
unraveled a tinge of verity

i envied them.
at how delightfully they, the leaves, were

at how they dared
to swirl like confetti
with the deliciously provocative
autumn wind

even if that meant
to a fall
of decay

such gracefulness
and fearlessness
i somehow knew
i lacked in me

earthly

In darkness you make the universe out of me,
but like the earth,
surely -
I will shiver
& crumble