you make fireflies dance in my chest-
but this is too sweet to be true.

seindah semua

terdiam diri, sedingin hati

melayan kenangan jelas di jiwa

mungkin mimpi tiada berakhir
ditulis takdir, terurai jua

Realness

Everything is not as it is told. There is little left to sow, too little left to know.

I have one life, yet I have led many lives. You can spill your heart to a thousand paper pages of sorrows. But every page turned will still feel the same to your fingertips. Out of ordinary. Desperate for a design, for a purpose, for an inked marked skinned to my dried celled skin to tell me-
To just be.

All of the things once said and wanting of each other to be. The compass of my heart is out of tuned, for the needle no longer points north. I have no understanding of this. I have no grip of this vertical reality, spun and twisted in ways I no longer find familiarity...so I just be.

I wish I hadn't felt realness. I wish I hadn't seen it. Tasted it. Smelled it like the wafting scent of your cologne.

For there is nothing harder than pretending to be strangers with another- no greater lie ever forced to live - when you know you have lived one too many lives with someone.

refracted

I found a little piece of broken glass.
It reflected me, in a refracted way.
Forcing me to take a good hard look at myself.

We don't want to be seen,
so we come and go
Like the night, like the shadows
when nobody knows
we'll understand
Trust me now,
trust nobody

I hate how my heart feels squeezed and cramped tight within my ribcage.

living apologetically,
it is a struggle in itself to realize
that you should not apologize for your own existence

- the struggle is mine.